BRIAN READE: ‘Rich phoney patriots like Rio Ferdinand operating to Dubai deserve our contempt’

Wealthy hypocrites, whose first thought when the tax bills land is for them to flee the UK, are a disgrace, says Brian Reade, and they should be helping the next generation here

I’ve just completed my annual tax return which felt like an hour-long digital rectum exam conducted by a doctor with a finger thicker than his fist. I messed up seven times, was held up for 10 minutes because I kept ­incorrectly writing nothing (It’s £0 and only £0), threw my laptop against the wall once and reached for the whisky bottle at the end when told how much I owe. But then I thought “at least that’s over for another year” and moved on.

What I didn’t think, as an increasing number of those who worship at the altar of Mammon are thinking, is “those robbing socialists have taxed me a few quid more just to move sick pensioners out of NHS corridors and keep kids out of poverty so I’m taking my stash abroad”.

People like Rio Ferdinand who has packed up his £57million wealth and headed to Dubai and who admitted in a radio interview that one of the biggest reasons for leaving was tax. Which he resents paying in the UK because “things like the health service…are falling apart”.

Oh, the lack of awareness that the NHS has fallen apart because it’s been starved of taxpayer funding. Oh, the lack of awareness when he calls himself in the same interview “a patriotic guy” as he switches his patriotism so swiftly to a Middle Eastern country that charges no income tax.

Ferdinand joins the likes of Isabel Oakeshott (think right-wing banshee and partner of Reform’s Richard Tice) who fled to the tax-free desert to escape VAT on public school fees, where she denigrates the UK to any media daft enough to pay her, whilst simultaneously proclaiming her love for traditional Britain.

Or multi-millionaire plumber, Reform-backing Charlie Mullins (think Rod Stewart after an explosion in a cosmetic surgery clinic) who upped sticks to less-taxing climes when Labour was elected and is now urging British youngsters to move to Dubai because the dear old country he loves is finished. Sterling patriots all.

Figures show Britain is going through one of those cycles where emigration rises. Especially among the under-35s. And who can blame them? Had I been treated as shabbily as today’s youngsters with crippling student grants, lack of apprenticeships, inability to buy a home, denial of EU jobs due to Brexit, their lives put on hold for the Covid year while government cronies siphoned billions, I’d be tempted to work abroad for a while and broaden my experiences.

But these rich hypocrites, whose first thought when the tax bills get tough is for them to get going, deserve nothing but contempt. Let me say to all tax exiles, especially in the Emirates, enjoy life in your new misogynistic, gay-hating, alcohol-denying, human-rights bashing home.

But please do those you left behind a favour. Don’t bang on about how much you love your country because you only truly love yourself and your sheltered wealth. Instead of staying here, and chipping in to try to fix the likes of the NHS, you chose to scarper with your riches.

So as you lay on your sun-lounger ordering crates of Branston pickle and HP baked beans on Amazon and watching streams of The Chase on your laptop don’t be tempted to tweet about how, in your heart, Britain will always be your beloved home. Because phoney patriotism is the last refuge of the wealthy scoundrel.