JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader whose life is being made a misery by her revolting boss and his jealous wife
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He’s a serial seducer
My boss is infatuated with me. He says I’ve the love of his life. He whispers that he fantasises about me all day. Every time he has sex with his wife, it’s my face that he sees before him. I’m not flattered. I’m happily single and find his interest in me embarrassing and distasteful. We’ve never kissed, touched or been intimate. I won’t even allow him to drive me home because I don’t trust him to pounce. I used to wear short skirts and high heels to work, now it’s tracksuits all the way because I’m determined not to turn him on or encourage him. He wants to have sex with me for a Christmas treat.
As if all of that wasn’t bad enough, I’ve now got his wife on my tail. He’s confessed to her about this love for me and she’s convinced that I’m out to get him. I’m not.
She thinks that we’re I’m having an affair. She’s joined my gym and keeps quizzing me about his movements. I walk into a shop or a bar, and she just happens to be there, spying on me. The pair of them are doing my head in. I’ve ordered him to call her off, but he says he has no power.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was getting off on all the drama – suddenly he’s the centre of attention. Two women are talking about him and he’s loving it.
It’s obvious the wife thinks she’s being clever, but the reality is that I’m just one in a long line of women my horny boss has lusted after and pursued over the years.
He was sleeping with the accountant when I first started here, and he’s bonked half a dozen clients and suppliers to my knowledge. Despite everything, the wife seems like a decent, if desperate, person. Does she finally deserve to hear the truth about her cheating man from my lips?
JANE SAYS: Why are you still working for such an odious individual?
Is there an HR executive or union representative you can talk to about your day-to-day experiences with your inappropriate boss? Don’t forget you can always contact acas.org.uk in confidence with any work-related issues.
I understand that you have bills to pay and probably don’t see why you should be driven out of a good position, in a job you’ve worked hard for, but he sounds intolerable. Start keeping a diary of everything that has happened so far – with dates, times and incidents – and update it every day so that you have a record of his behaviour.
As for his wife, I suspect she knows full well what her husband is like and capable of. Don’t forget that she is married to him and has known him for a long time. The poor woman must be at the end of her tether. Clearly, she feels particularly threatened by you. Perhaps this is her last throw of the dice regarding saving her marriage. One can only feel sorry for the woman being saddled with an oaf like that.
It must be upsetting to see this woman in pain, but her marriage is her business. Don’t get involved.
Hold your tongue and start thinking about your future. I have to believe that there are better times ahead for you with a new employer and a fresh start.
Chip on her shoulder
It’s our turn to visit my husband’s eldest sister this Christmas and I’m dreading it. She’s made it perfectly clear that she can’t stand the sight of me. She’s convinced that she was sidelined by her parents as a child while my husband, the youngest, was spoilt rotten. She maintains that he got all the best presents as a kid, while she was forgotten.
Opening gifts with her under the tree is always fraught with bitterness and sarcastic comments. She blames her lack of success in life on her humble beginnings and is jealous that we’ve done well.
How do I begin to win her round?
JANE SAYS: Get in now. Ask your angry sister-in-law for a mature conversation before the big day. It would be wonderful if you could make peace. It could be that her childhood was unhappy and that she has some valid points that need to be heard and addressed.
Your brother also needs to get involved in listening to her and building bridges. It’s unfortunate that she’s bitter because that must be dragging her down. It’s wonderful that you’re doing well but make the point that you’re family and all in this life together. Would she benefit from professional counselling regarding her childhood experiences?