The moment I heard the utterly tragic news that Nick Reiner had been arrested and charged with the murder of his parents, Rob and Michelle Reiner, I thought: I know the type.
Family friends have now told the Daily Mail that Nick was prone to rageful outbursts and, as a child, Rob would restrain Nick in intense bear hugs until he calmed down. Nick and the Reiner family have themselves been open about his bouts with drug addiction, starting at the age of 15, as well as Nick’s seemingly futile road trip through rehabs – with at least 17 stops.
Thirty-two-year-old Nick had also been prescribed medication for schizophrenia before the murders, the Los Angeles Times reported. And Rob and Michele Reiner were reportedly ‘scared’ by their son’s erratic behavior at Conan O’Brien’s Christmas party, just hours before they were killed.
Now, I’ve never spent time with the Reiners. I don’t know Nick. And, of course, he has not been convicted of any crime. But I’m reading the same reports in the Daily Mail and elsewhere that everyone else is; I’m drawing my own conclusions and it’s gutting.
The Reiners cannot be blamed for what happened. But every parent who reads this story must think to themselves: what would I have done differently?
Living part-time in the Pacific Palisades over the past few decades, I’ve come to know my fair share of wealthy families that seem completely incapable of providing the appropriate level of care to their deeply unwell children.
I think of one neighbor whose teenage son used to throw apoplectic screaming fits in the middle of the road. His exasperated parents finally hired a full-time psychologist/’man friend’ to help the young man cope with his emotions.
That family was lucky. Their son turned a corner and has grown into a decent guy with vastly improved emotional regulation.
The moment I heard the utterly tragic news that Nick Reiner had been arrested and charged with the murder of his parents, Rob and Michelle Reiner, I thought: I know the type
The Reiners cannot be blamed for what happened. But every parent who reads this story must think to themselves: what would I have done differently?
Obviously, most people don’t have the scratch to indulge in this protracted gentle parenting, but – by all accounts – the Reiners did. Perhaps, they even tried it at some point. One Reiner neighbor told the New York Post that Rob and Michelle ‘wanted [Nick] to get help, go to rehab, but he wanted to get help while at home — he did not want to get treatment at a facility.’ We also know that Nick – by his own admission – trashed his parent’s guest house where he was staying, while on a cocaine binge.
That reported detail makes me recall another LA neighbor of mine. He was the son of a glamourous 80s TV star who had bought her spoiled spawn a $4 million, 4-bedroom, mini-French chateau. The cops were called to the place more often than a crack den.
Once, I witnessed the long-suffering partner of this Hollywood nepo-baby frantically screaming from a second story window of their home. She’d barricaded herself inside with her infant daughter, begging for neighbors to call the police.
Several squad cars showed up. Cops jumped out, guns drawn. Then the celebrity mom rolled up in a blacked-out Mercedes, spotted her son in the back of a police car and screamed about being a heartbeat away from sending him back to rehab.
All that said, simply being the child of a celebrity does not make a monster.
While I was working at MTV in the late 90s, I was lucky enough to do a TV pilot with Dweezil Zappa, the brilliant son of the even more brilliant and talented avant-garde musician Frank Zappa.
Dweezil and I became fast friends and I’d spend days and weeks at his family’s Laurel Canyon compound, where their private chef would spoil us with elaborate meals and wood fired pizzas. A revolving door of celebrities and musicians plowed through the house bringing last-minute joy to Frank, who was dying of prostate cancer.
The Zappa children’s peers were presumably the same kind of kids that Nick Reiner likely grew up with: privileged, creative, loved and… coddled. Some were sent to elite area private schools and bubble wrapped in SUVs. They’d want nothing and somehow demand everything.
But Dweezil wasn’t infected by these destructive conditions, even though some of those around him were. It’s also no doubt that Nick’s brother and sister, Jake, 34, and Romy, 27, are functioning, kind people who were well-bonded with their parents and likely doing their damnedest to help their troubled sibling.
Obviously, most people don’t have the scratch to indulge in this protracted gentle parenting, but – by all accounts – the Reiners did
Sure, Romy admitted in a podcast to smoking 25 joints a day at during an emotionally difficult phase of her life (and being prescribed antidepressants since she was 15), but she has seemingly conquered whatever demons she may have had.
And Jake, the Daily Mail was told, is rising to this terrible occasion. ‘Jake has had to step into a paternalistic role,’ a family insider said. ‘His motto is “family first.”’
So, what can ordinary people learn from the rich and famous?
It’s simple: having millions won’t solve your problems. Regardless of how famous a family is, they are only as strong as their weakness link.
There’s no way to say what one would do if they were put in the Reiners’ situation. The ugly, unavoidable truth is that mental illness and drug use are a drain on us all, no matter who we are. And sometimes everything isn’t enough. Simply telling your kids ‘no’ can be the greatest gift in the world.