JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who cringes every time her outrageous neighbour opens her mouth
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Big mouth strikes again
My neighbour is gorgeous and super confident. But she never stops going on about how great she is at sex. She brags it’s her ‘superpower’. She claims that men fall over themselves to bed her and that she had at least 30 hot lovers in the past year. All of them were obsessed with her and blown away by her ability to pleasure them and orgasm multiple times. Bully for her.
I see her down the pub a couple of times a week. I frequently find her embarrassing and inappropriate as all roads – and all conversations – lead to her prowess in the bedroom.
I recently held a party, and I know she was upset not to be invited, but I couldn’t risk having her in the same room as my uptight parents. She’s relatively new to our street and I don’t know how she’d react to criticism or advice.
JANE SAYS: It’s possible that your neighbour feels unconfident or overwhelmed especially if she’s new to an established group of people. Perhaps she believes she must shock to make herself seem edgy and relevant?
I understand that you’re anxious not to upset her but if she’s keen to a part of your world, then she needs to make more of an effort to share your values and fit in.
One of you needs to elect to have a quiet word with her.
She needs to be encouraged to calm down because none of you are impressed by her racy talk.
Is that person you?
No going back
In 2024 I staged an intervention. I helped my brother to leave his bossy, controlling partner. My husband and I whisked him away from his flat while she was at work and gave him a room here in our home. For weeks he sobbed and refused to get out of bed while she threatened to ruin and destroy him. It was a horrible, frightening time but I rescued him. Now he keeps talking about her in glowing terms and I despair. After Christmas I held a party here, and he entertained my new neighbours with several ‘hilarious’ stories involving his horrible ex and their time together. He actually referred to her as his ‘soul mate’. Now I feel let down and ridiculous. Why did I bother to get involved? I’m terrified that he’s back in contract with her again and that he’s going to make the same mistakes all over again. During their ten years together, he frequently came to me in tears complaining how hard and impossible she was to live with. I genuinely thought he was in danger of a breakdown.
Now he is working again. He’s upbeat and financially independent. But I don’t understand his habit of re-writing the past. More than once, he’s referred to his ex as ‘misunderstood’ and a ‘character’.
I’m terrified that he’s going to get back with her, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to have anything more to do with him if he does. What can I do to save him all over again?
JANE SAYS: I strongly urge you to step back and allow your adult brother to live his life, his way. Back in 2024, you and your husband supported him in escaping from his controlling ex-partner, because you thought it was the right thing to do.
Now the dust has settled and he’s feeling stronger and more confident again. I suspect, he’s suffering from mixed emotions because, in life, things are rarely clear cut and neat. The fact is that, once upon a time, he loved his ex-partner. There must have been some good times in with the bad and his stories are his lived experiences. What’s the alternative? That he sits in silence at every social event while everyone around him chats and he feels that he can never join in at any level? Are you asking him to erase his whole relationship and act as if it never happened? It’s highly likely that he feels guilty about leaving her because, deep down, she had some good qualities.
You can’t attempt to gag him when he has many issues to process. The last thing he needs is anyone snapping at him and telling what he can and can’t say – because then he’s back to square one… Can you gently suggest he seeks professional therapy to discuss what he’s experienced, how he’s feeling and where he goes from here? Ultimately, however, if he does decide to go back to her, then you’ll have to accept his decision, whether you like it or not. He’s your brother and you love him and you can’t threaten to cut him out of your life.
Does he even want you to save him?
In the dog house
My daughter loves animals. She has two dogs, a cat and a snake. She also has a newish boyfriend who likes to party and travel. Increasingly it’s up to me to look after (and feed) her pets when I have a busy life on my own. Recently she bit my head off when she thought I’d not walked the dogs enough (I had).
How are her pets my responsibility?
JANE SAYS: Looking after animals is a big job and your daughter can’t simply palm them off on you when she gets a better offer. Warn her that you will find suitable homes for all of them unless she steps up. Is she inclined towards being an entitled and ungrateful brat in general because nothing gives her the right to be rude to you.