JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who feels hard done by in the bedroom by a lover who only wants cuddles
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Wet play time
My new partner and I have barely consummated our relationship because she’s only interested in foreplay.
She loves nothing more than to cuddle, kiss and touch but shies away from intercourse.
I find this extremely annoying as I wish to express my love fully, plus I’m sexually frustrated.
Being constantly knocked back is humiliating especially when she tells me that I’m the only wants she wants and fancies.
How do I make her understand that I need more without coming across as heavy handed or even desperate?
JANE SAYS: You and your partner are in an adult relationship and there’s nothing dirty or rude about desiring a fully rounded sexual experience. Talk to her away from the bedroom.
Make it clear that you hold her in the highest regard and have no wish to pressure or embarrass her, but is there something new you could try that would bring you closer together? Does she have personal issues regarding her body or ‘letting go’ that need to be addressed? Was she hurt in the past? Promise to help and support her in, if that’s what she wants. But if she’s perfectly happy with what you have – and you’re not – then only you can decide where you go from here…
Home alone
My partner comes home from work and starts drinking – beers, wine, cider, whatever. He eats whatever I put in from of him, but we hardly speak. Eventually he goes to bed. We don’t have sex. Then the whole routine starts over again. At weekends I go and stay with my family, and he drinks alone.
He has no contact with his family and doesn’t seem to get hangovers. Living this loveless life is soul destroying. Putting out the recycling each week is humiliating. How can I be expected to go on facilitating his addiction.
JANE SAYS: Try your best to impress upon your partner that you care and that there is a better life he could be living.
Is it possible to speak to him? Can you catch him before he starts drinking each evening? He sounds a deeply unhappy and very lost man. He’s caught in a miserable cycle of work, booze, and bed. It would be wonderful if he could be persuaded to speak to his GP and/or check out alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk for help.
However, if he absolutely refuses to face his problems and change, then you need to start considering your own needs. Your homelife isn’t healthy or sustainable. Every day you go through the motions; you deserve love, sex, and appreciation. Park your pride and stop feeling guilty or ashamed. Open up to your family before you start to crumble.
Queen bee stings
A close friend makes TV’s Hyacinth Bucket look like a slacker. I’ve known her since school and she’s always been the Queen Bee amongst our group of six friends.
If she’s not bragging about her latest purchases or her horrible husband’s promotions, then she’s describing future holidays and the achievements of her (gifted and talented) children.
However, she can’t stand anyone else doing well.
Recently I dared to boast about a pay rise during an evening out in a local restaurant and she cut me down. She accused me of boasting!
I have a new boyfriend and he was horrified. Now he has opened my eyes to her vindictiveness. What can I say to her?
JANE SAYS : It’s interesting that a new boyfriend – with a fresh set of eyes – has alerted you to this awful woman’s many faults. Do you continue to see her out of habit or because you genuinely enjoy her company? You describe her as a friend, but is she?
Typically, genuine friends support and love each other, they don’t snap and belittle. If she’s insecure and jealous, then these are issues that she needs to deal with herself. Sadly, if she’s not enriching your life, then can you continue to call her a pal? Are you inclined to ask for a private one-on-one chat during which you could call her out? You cannot allow anyone to hold you back.