JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who can’t move for her sexed-up sister and her horny lover romping all over the place
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Swing out sister
My sister and her new boyfriend are crashing at my place. I feel as though I’m losing my mind. They are sleeping on my sofa and eating their way through my fridge. They’ve not mentioned paying rent or given any kind of moving out date.
I work from home and have been reduced to sitting on my bed with my laptop. If they’re not bonking and shrieking in the front room, then they’re showering together or sitting on my tiny balcony smoking. The other day I went into the kitchen to make a sandwich and they were full-out bonking where I prepare my food. I immediately lost my appetite. I can’t move. I’ve become the gooseberry in my own tiny home. Meanwhile, I’ve got my sister’s heartbroken ex-partner ringing me in tears.
He doesn’t know what is going on and is bereft. My sister’s new squeeze is a bloke he employed at his hardware shop. He was tasked with managing the stock room and doing deliveries. Only he decided to deliver himself into my sister’s knickers instead…
The partner caught them messing around in the tiny kitchen behind the staff room and read them the riot act. He fully expected her to sober up and say ‘sorry’. Only he returned home from work to find her stuff gone and a note explaining that she’d; ‘had enough of his controlling ways’. She rocked up here later that night.
I don’t need this. The problem is that my sister was good to me when I was going through dramas with my abusive ex-partner. She gave me cash and support and a place to stay when I was at my lowest ebb. How can I turn her out on the street now when I still owe her money and favours?
JANE SAYS: Your sister is taking advantage of your kind nature. She’s in the middle of a sexually charged affair and isn’t thinking straight, but you need your home to be a place of privacy and sanctuary. In the past, you were forced to ask for her help because you were in a vulnerable position and in need of refuge. From what I can make out; your sister has flounced out of her family home on a whim. Her continued presence is unsustainable. Insist on an adult conversation. Explain that you’re very grateful for everything she’s done for you, but she’s putting you under an enormous strain. You are on a limited budget and can’t afford to feed and water anyone else. What are her long terms plans?
Doesn’t her partner deserve a face-to-face conversation regarding the current situation and the future? She can’t continue to hide out at your place and bury her head in the sand. Make it clear that you’re not taking sides or being uncharitable – and will be paying back every penny you owe her – but she needs to start seeing things from your point of view. The heat needs to be taken out of this situation because feelings are running high. Just because she helped you once doesn’t mean that you must be eternally grateful and a push over. Does she respect you, and the new life you’ve built for yourself, or is she only thinking of herself?
I want to help
My dad has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. He had stomach pain for a few months, but otherwise the news has been a shock.
We are waiting to hear whether he can have treatment, to give him more time with us, but we know he is going to die from this.
How do I come to terms with his diagnosis?
JANE SAYS: Hearing news like this can be isolating. You will have questions about pancreatic cancer and his diagnosis. You are not alone and there is help available. Pancreatic Cancer UK run a dedicated support line, staffed by specialist nurses. Whether you prefer to speak over the phone, via email, or on WhatsApp, they can provide you with expert, personalised support.
If you have any questions about treatment, then reach out to them. They will ensure you know what to ask for, what to expect and how long it should take.
You may also find comfort in connecting with others who ‘just get it’. Through Pancreatic Cancer UK’s ‘Circles peer-support groups hosted on Facebook and WhatsApp – you can meet others affected by pancreatic cancer. The group gives each member the space to share, talk and build friendships.
Vitally, remember to speak with your dad. Talking openly about his diagnosis could help you process the news and support each other. I wish you the best, and hope your dad hears about his treatment soon.
Trip hazard
A colleague constantly attempts to trip me up in meetings. She’s friendly enough out on the office floor. But the minute we’re with clients and bosses she’s merciless. I feel she attempts to deflect her inadequacies by putting me on the spot. Others have noticed her tricks too.
JANE SAYS: Make sure that you are always three steps ahead of this tricky individual. Do your research and have an answer ready for every eventuality. I can’t help suspecting that she feels threatened and rattled by you. If she’s not your superior, then it’s not her job to put you on the spot. If she thinks that making you look weak makes her look strong, then she is misguided and unprofessional. Keep a diary. Do you need to speak to HR?