JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is hooked on great sex, and even greater ‘mates rates’, courtesy of her horny tradesman
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He smells of my sex
I’ve become obsessed with my sexy builder.
He’s handy, muscly and hot. He turns up at 8am, just as my partner leaves for work, and we jump into our still-warm bed for unbridled passion. Frequently we bonk two or three times before he hauls himself out and gets on with the plumbing. He works all afternoon with my sex smell on him, which turns me on all over again.
In return he gives me a cheaper rate. I hate myself for being so wicked and shallow but it’s hard to turn down a discount when everything in this place needs fixing.
My partner and I moved in here last September, at my insistence, but I didn’t realise the extent of the work required. My partner is still moaning about us leaving our last place, which he loved. He blames me for saddling us with a money pit.
How do I sort this when I’m living on a knife edge?
I fancy the pants off my hunk, and the new kitchen isn’t going to fit itself. I don’t have his power tools for a start.
JANE SAYS: You’re making a huge mistake. You’re jeopardising your relationship and your home. You must let your builder go. Thank him for his work so far but explain that saving your relationship must be your priority now.
You’ve got carried away with yourself and lost sight of right and wrong. Your partner deserves better, and he’s entitled to the truth. I worry that if you don’t tell him, then someone else – like a neighbour or unexpected caller – will. Be prepared for his anger and disappointment. Apologise and make it clear that you will never do anything like this again. If you’re bored or underemployed, then what are your options in life?
Can you gen up and tackle any of the work yourself?
Start looking for alternative trades. Accept that your refurbishment is going to be done in stages and may take longer than you anticipated.
He insists it’s not cheating
My partner desires men and women. He wants to be free to sleep with selected men because he needs to explore the ‘other side’ of his sexuality and personality. To his mind, this does not constitute cheating, because no guy will ever threaten what we have as a couple.
I accept that he is responsible and takes his sexual health very seriously but still don’t feel comfortable.
Why isn’t being with me – and simply (privately) fantasising about fellas – enough?
JANE SAYS: It’s wonderful that your partner is so open and honest about his sexual needs but only you can decide if this situation is acceptable to you. Relationships where one partner is bi-sexual are not uncommon but don’t allow him – or anyone else – to rush or overwhelm you. Give yourself time to consider and think.
Is this what you signed up for when you first got together? If you’re not interested in the kind of flexible deal he is suggesting then you’re entitled to keep asking questions or even say ‘no thanks’.
In the meantime, it’s vital that you support each other emotionally. Tell him that he has your understanding because you like and love him but explain that you need to protect your emotional well-being, sexual health and own heart too.
Stubborn parents are unmovable
I love my parents but struggle to get through to them.
They live in a large house that they struggle to heat and clean. My Mum won’t move because she loves her garden. My Dad loves the garage, which is full of his collections. I want them to relocate to a manageable bungalow or flat near the local hospital – and me. Recently she had a health scare, and I mentioned this idea again and they both turned on me.
My mum spat that I was trying to sell her home from under her and pocket the money. Now a huge rift has opened up. She’s sulking and refusing to engage or take my calls. How can they be so blind and so childish?
JANE SAYS: I suspect your parents feel frightened and vulnerable.
If they’ve lost friends and routines in recent times, then their home must feel like their sanctuary.
Apologise for upsetting them but make it clear that you have your own life to lead and can’t do everything.
They may not like to admit that they’re getting old and frail but that’s the path they’re on. It’s possible that they’ll need to pay for additional home help. What are their other options? Emphasise that you never meant for this matter to come between you. You have only their best interests at heart. Can anyone else in the family get through to them?