JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is still obsessed with the first woman he fell in love with
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Sexy ex is all I think about
I can’t maintain relationships.
I’ve been married and divorced twice I’ve also lived with a variety of other women. But all dumped me in the end calling me a ‘emotionally cold’.
My problem is that I fell in love when I was 16 and have never been able to forget my first love. I went to work in Germany on my 21st birthday and she married my best friend while I was away. She broke my heart. It still cuts me in two when I see them together at weddings and parties.
I have a demanding job and lots of interests. I keep myself in shape and get women hitting on me, but I’m not interested in anyone except her. She’s the one I’ve always fantasised about and truly love.
She knows exactly how I feel because two years ago I got very drunk at a funeral and told her everything.
I know it was inappropriate, but I couldn’t help myself.
She was coming out of the ladies’ loo at the hotel where the wake was being held. I asked if I could have a word. We went for a walk around the grounds, and we ended up snogging and groping under a tree.
I looked her in the eye and told her everything.
I begged her to leave her husband and come to me. She said that she’d think about it and we kissed all over again. It was the most fantastic experience of my life.
Only the next day she rang me with a chill in her voice. She said she wasn’t prepared to leave her husband. She said that I was a disgrace for attempting to break up her marriage and warned me never to go near her again. Now I’m due to see her again at an old family friend’s wedding anniversary party. I don’t know how I’m going to hold it together, especially as I’ve heard a rumour that my mate doesn’t love her anymore and is having an affair with a woman from his work.
JANE SAYS: Stay away from the upcoming party and stay away from your ex-girlfriend too. Two years ago, at that funeral, you told her exactly how you feel. You left her in no doubt of your intentions. The next day she rang and warned you off. She told you to leave her alone. Now you must do exactly that.
Get on with your life and finally leave her behind. She’s not perfect and she’s not the only woman in the world. It doesn’t matter one jot what her husband may, or may not, be getting up to behind her back.
That’s totally irrelevant and none of your business, if, indeed, it’s true. You cannot trust gossip.
You may not believe that your mate is good enough for your ex, but he’s the guy she’s chosen to stay with.
It takes two people to make a relationship. If your ex isn’t interested in ending her marriage to be with you, then you have to finally accept that in order to get on with the rest of your life. It’s such a shame that you’ve wasted so much time and broken so many hearts along the way. Vow to take control of your future and start to accept that there is someone else out there for you. She’s only human but you’ve put her on this ridiculous pedestal. Would you benefit from counselling to understand why you struggle to leave the past behind and embrace the future?
Say it with flowers
Last November, for no particular reason, I told my girlfriend that I no longer wanted to see her. She begged me to change my mind. But I thought I could do better for myself and threw her out of my flat. Now I feel terrible. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I can’t move on.
I text her all the time, but the messages don’t seem to be getting through. I’m contemplating making a big gesture tomorrow; something like taking a huge bunch of red roses to her new place. What do you think?
JANE SAYS: Forget the flowers and save your money.
You’ve said your bit; your ex knows how you still feel about her; so, leave her to think on. The ball is very firmly in her court now. I fear that if you spend any more time badgering her, then you’ll be in danger of losing your dignity. There’s also the very real possibility that she’ll accuse you of harassing her and being a nuisance and a pest. It’s now up to her to contact you again – if she wants to. Then have a long; hard think about what you want from life and why you behaved so rashly. Are you inclined to make big, off-the-cuff decisions that you later come to regret? Should you chat to your GP?
Funny Valentine
My partner doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.
It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow but I won’t get a card.
He does everything around the house but has never once said ‘I love you’ in the seven years we’ve been together. Now I’ve met a guy at work who is the opposite. He’s flirty and funny and I know that he’ll be amazing in bed. He’s always telling me that I’m gorgeous and sexy.
I keep fantasising about what it would be like to get naked with him. Life is so precious. Dare I go wild while I’ve still got the figure?
JANE SAYS: If you wish to live the life of a single woman, then go for it. Tell your partner that you and he are through and take your chances with your saucy colleague. But you need to be aware that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t stick with your partner while sleeping with another guy because that’s just not on. I understand that your cheeky colleague seems desirable, but he might make a habit of playing around and you could easily end up hurt or humiliated. Why don’t you put some of your sexual energy into spicing up your existing love life?
Flash in the pan
My new girlfriend is an exhibitionist and a flasher. She’s always whipping her top up in public. It’s embarrassing. I like a laugh, but I fear she takes things too far. Recently, at a party, she stripped completely naked and simulated oral sex on my mate. Is it my job to tell her to rein it in?
JANE SAYS: Does your new girl become emboldened after drinking too much alcohol? Does she have a problem with booze? Perhaps you should talk to her about her intake.
You have to decide whether you are prepared to put up with her party tricks. Will her silly games be quite so funny six months or a year down the line? If you’re having doubts now, then get out. Avoid being a laughing stock.