JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who regrets taking revenge on his cheating partner by paying for sex
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I’m a dirt bag
I’m an outcast in my own home.
My partner refuses to communicate or even stay in the same room as me. I walk in and she walks out.
My crime? Cheating on her before Christmas. But I only slept with a sex worker once and that was in response to discovering that she had conducted a year-long affair with my ex-best friend.
Her parents are currently living with us while their home is renovated. The Dad totally ignores me while the mum hisses: “Dirt bag” every time she walks past me. I’m cooking my own food and doing my own laundry.
Even my partner’s appalling sisters think nothing of coming around here – helping themselves to my food and drink – and telling me that I’m a massive plonker (and worse). They bleat that their darling sister could have done so much better for herself and it’s all my fault that she cheated in the first place because I’m such a waste of space.
My partner and I stopped having sex in 2021 after I collapsed at work and was diagnosed with a serious illness. Consequently, she blames me for her affair because I ‘failed to satisfy her sexual needs’. But it wasn’t my fault that I had a health emergency and had to spend time in hospital.
I’m back at work now, but it’s not nice coming back to a house where everyone snarls at you and you have no influence and no voice. Even the dog growls when I go near her and I don’t know how much more hatred and negativity I can take.
JANE SAYS: You sound like a man on the edge. It feels as if everyone is against you and you can’t do anything right. Not surprisingly, your partner is angry with you for sleeping with a sex worker. Can you explain to her why you went down that route? Can you reassure her that you will never do anything similar again?
That said, I don’t see how she can blame her year long affair (something that involved true emotions) on an illness that you suffered?
You hardly got ill on purpose. I urge you to speak to her, privately. Make it clear that you just can’t go on like this. Apologise one final time for your slip up and ask her to explain her affair (and say sorry) so that you can both draw a line in the sand and start again.
Does she feel that this relationship can be saved? Does she want to save it? Would she rather split and how does she propose to do that?
As for everyone else, they need to be gathered together and read the riot act. How dare her parents and her sisters disrespect and talk down to you?
Explain that you have had enough of being pushed around. Tell them that there must be a fresh start.
Promise me that you’ll always call your GP or the Samaritans (116 123) if ever you feel the need to talk. Things may seem bleak right now, but your life doesn’t always have to be like this.
It’s time for a new broom to sweep through your home and for all the dead wood to be brushed away.
Nothing was true
A few months back my boyfriend led me to believe that he was about to come into a huge sum of money.
He promised me designer clothes and foreign holidays.
I left my job and hit the shops. I maxed out on my credit card thinking that the good times were coming.
It’s now mid-February and my fella’s cash still hasn’t materialised. He keeps telling me that the lawyers are sorting it all out, but I’ve got a horrible feeling that he’s lied through his teeth.
JANE SAYS: The last thing you need is someone who plays mind games and doesn’t know the difference between fact and fiction. If your boyfriend made up his windfall in order to look good and impress you, then he needs to hear that you are not amused. Insist on an honest conversation with accompanying, official paperwork.
Insist on the truth. Is there any money or is he guilty of living in a fantasy world?
Sadly, if there is no dosh then you need to sober up and get back on your feet again.
Look at the job market so that you can kick-start your life and pay off those credit cards debts. Can you stay with someone who is prone to exaggerations? I think not.
I love my curves
I’m a curvy girl. I love sex and I’m very horny, only the last couple of guys I dated weren’t very kind about my shape. I’m very proud of my big bust and bum, but one guy swore as I took off my clothes and the other rudely suggested I diet. How do I stop this treatment from trashing my confidence?
JANE SAYS: Make sure you really get to know the guys you date in future and only have sex once you’re absolutely convinced that the guy is genuine, sincere and loves you for who you are. Put those bad encounters down to experience (because there are idiots everywhere) and remember that you are unique and special and any guy would be lucky to find himself in your bed.