Reader Antonia has been dating a workmate but she’s worried about how her team will react when they find out. Our Jobs Guru James Innes is here with some advice
Question:
Dear James,
I’m in love with a colleague – but it’s a secret!
We’re not part of the same team but, spending time together in the office, we just fell for each other.
Neither wants to leave our jobs and, with such a tight job market, that wouldn’t be a good idea anyway. However as our relationship gets more serious it is becoming harder to conceal.
Should we continue to keep it under wraps or should we be open about it? Aren’t couples in the workplace frowned upon?
Antonia, Winchester
Answer:
Congratulations, Antonia, for being happy and in love!
It is, though, inevitably, rather tricky that you work together, I can certainly see that. Employers’ attitudes towards workplace relationships vary quite dramatically.
I know that some companies even have a policy about this sort of thing – which, in at least my humble opinion, is a tad ridiculous.
However, such policies can sometimes be useful in terms of providing guidelines for staff, which can include requesting that you inform your managers as soon as is reasonably possible. A first step for you is therefore to identify if your organisation does indeed have a policy which covers this type of situation.
In the absence of any formal guidelines, my advice is very much that honesty is the best policy. Not least, it would be much better for your employers to hear about your relationship from you directly than for them to hear about it or to find out about it some other way.
Do remember that you have every right to date a colleague; it’s most definitely not illegal! It’s a basic human right. Nobody should frown upon it.
In a nutshell, as long as you and your partner have continued – and do continue – to perform your roles to a high standard (and you leave any domestic disputes behind you when you get to work!) it really shouldn’t be an issue for any reasonable and fair-minded employer.
Top Tip:
Workplace romances are very common. Normally, it’s not an issue. But it can very quickly become one if you start going to considerable lengths to keep it all a secret. Honesty is the best policy!
Spotlight On: Unfair Dismissal
You need to check for your precise situation but, in general, if you have been continuously employed for more than two years and are then fired for reasons which you feel relate directly – and, of course, unreasonably – to your ‘office romance’ then you could be entitled to claim for unfair dismissal.
A lot depends, of course, on what is and isn’t reasonable. Two of my wife’s colleagues were recently ‘caught in the act’ at work! This is, whilst undoubtedly a lot of fun, not considered to be acceptable behaviour… In such circumstances, your employer has every right to dismiss you both for gross misconduct.
Get a head start in your job hunt with James’ new book, The Job You’ve Always Wanted – out now from Pearson at £16.99.
Our Jobs Guru, James Innes, is a best-selling careers author and founder of the world’s leading group of professional CV and resume writers .