JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who regrets telling a hot pal how she feels
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Me and my mouth
I recently told one of my oldest friends that I’m in love with him. I was hoping that he’d throw his arms around me and scream: “But I love you too!” but it hasn’t happened. Instead, he’s avoiding my calls and, suddenly, things are awkward between us.
A month ago, we crossed a line. We were at party, got drunk and ended up in bed together. It was the best night of my life. The sex was phenomenal. We threw each other all over the bed and friends said they could hear us screaming, howling and orgasming over the music!
In the morning, I declared my devotion and he looked embarrassed. He grabbed his clothes and fled.
I fear that I’ve embarrassed him and killed our friendship forever. I wish I could turn back time. Help.
JANE SAYS: A significant line was crossed on that fateful night. You and your mate made love for the first time and now your relationship has changed.
He’s embarrassed; you’re anxious and your once, lovely, friendship is in peril.
Give him all the time and the space he needs to calm down and cool off. Don’t badger him. Instead, get on with seeing friends and keeping busy. Make some fun plans, set yourself some challenges and just see what happens. He may be lovely guy, but there are lots of lovely guys around and you cannot allow one night of lust to kill your confidence.
My turn
I don’t have a problem with my girlfriend sleeping with her best (female) mate. But I do think it’s selfish of her to now allow me to join in – or take some pictures. The mate is currently staying with us for free. Shouldn’t she give me something in return? The least she could do is give me a turn – don’t you agree?
JANE SAYS: If this young lady starts giving you sex in return for free board and lodgings, then what will that make her? I can’t agree that you deserve a ‘turn’. Confront your girlfriend if you don’t like the way she’s conducting herself and warn her that this situation is coming between you. My worry is that three is invariably a crowd and this friend could end up killing your relationship.
A touch too much
I’ve been told that people don’t like me because I’m loud and overwhelming. I thought I was entertaining and fun – the life and soul of every party – but a cousin has crushed me by saying I’m ‘too much’. I’m devastated. Last year I started to get paranoid because I realised that I was getting left out of holidays, parties and nights out. I work in a busy office; I come from a large family and know loads of people from school.
But it occurred to me that whenever an event was organised, my name was never on the list. The other night I cornered my cousin and begged her to tell me why. She explained that people find me annoying; that I’m excitable; that I show off and brag. Apparently, men find me intimidating and women think I’m a pain. Now it’s as though the floor has been pulled from beneath me.
Yes, I’m larger-than-life, but I’m real. What you see is what you get. Maybe I do argue if I think I’m right but I’m an individual.
I just feel I’m being picked on for no good reason.
At the moment I’m aware that four of my ex-co-workers are meeting up behind my back. I’ve been told that they’re planning a fortnight in Turkey and then, in July, they’re looking to move into a rental flat.
I’m devastated because I’ve not been included in any of these plans. All four of them know that I’m desperate for a warm holiday and that I’ve been banging on about getting a flat for the past two years. I have the money, the energy and the enthusiasm, yet I’m being blanked – and that hurts.
JANE SAYS: It worries me that so many people, from so many different strands of your life, seem to find you a handful. From relatives to ex-colleagues, you seem to rub a lot of people up the wrong way.
Therefore, it must be time for you to look inwards at your own behaviour and the way you treat folk. I get it that you’re forthright and honest, but no one likes to be overwhelmed or irritated. Maybe you need to look at the way you act and rein it all in? Are you up for a trusted relative or friend to give you a few pointers? Could you take hearing the truth about how you come across?
The bottom line is that your friends are under no obligation to invite you on holiday with them, but it might be a good idea to call a meeting to clear the air. But you must also be prepared to hear some home truths – and take them on-board.
If the fact of the matter is that you are a woman who can be deeply annoying, then are you willing to accept that you have irritating faults?
Are you prepared to listen?
Should you speak to your GP about your behaviour? Could it be that you’d benefit from counselling and some professional coping strategies? It’s possible that you’d feel calmer after something like mindfulness and relaxation techniques. Keep an open mind.
Skin deep
I’m worried that no man is going to find me sexually attractive. My problem is that I was in a car accident as a teen. I have scars right across my body. I look fine with my clothes on but, I’m damaged underneath.
My ex-boyfriend used to insist that I kept a tee shirt on in bed. Now I’m single and desperate to love again.
Only I’m afraid that I’m going to freak out future lovers. Friends tell me to be myself, but that’s easy for them to say when their flesh is perfectly smooth.
JANE SAYS: Your friends are trying to be supportive. I know it’s tempting to shout them down, but they seem to love you and have your best interests at heart.
You should be proud of the fact that you’re a fighter and a survivor. Your flesh has a unique story to tell, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed for coming through some terrible times. Vow to be yourself; make friends with guys and fall in love before you even think about becoming lovers. Be honest about your situation but certainly don’t apologise. Your ex-boyfriend may have knocked your confidence, but if a future lover is mature and genuine, then he’ll desire you whatever. However, if the reality is that your emotional scars are still to heal, then please see your GP regarding help and support.