Even Keir Starmer must know, in his heart of hearts, that he is fooling no one as he frantically tries to distance himself from the Peter Mandelson debacle.
The Prime Minister’s pathetic attempt to muddy the waters by launching an overhaul of the vetting procedures for government roles is an insult to everyone’s intelligence.
If anything, the files on Mandelson’s appointment as US ambassador strongly suggest that the protocols already in place are robust, effective and fit for purpose.
The documents show how officials combed through Mandelson’s CV with a forensic eye and highlighted the many reasons why he was unsuitable for the Washington job.
But despite all the red flags, blaring klaxons and bold-type warnings, the PM chose to go ahead and nominate him anyway.
It is not the system that failed here – it is Starmer himself. No amount of tinkering with vetting processes or rules on lobbying will change that particular reality.
Of course, no one knows this better than the PM. Any supposed review into procedures and protocols is nothing more than a cynical exercise aimed at distracting attention from the bigger picture.
But it will take a lot more than crude diversionary tactics to hoodwink the public at this stage – especially given the mounting anger over the outrageous £75,000 pay-off trousered by Mandelson.
Downing Street is at pains to stress that it could have been far worse given Mandelson’s original demand for almost £550,000.
Keir Starmer talks with Peter Mandelson in February last year while he was Ambassador to the US
In a casual insult to hard-pressed taxpayers, Cabinet Office minister Nick Thomas-Symonds on Thursday remarked that the final settlement represented ‘value for money’ – parroting the sentiments of ludicrous Foreign Office mandarin Olly Robbins.
Whether the £75,000 payment breached official rules remains to be seen – and, in some respects, is besides the point anyway.
Under the laws of natural justice, Mandelson ought to have been booted out the door and had his belongings thrown into the street after him. The circumstances surrounding his departure dictate that he shouldn’t have received a penny.
Worryingly, there is still much that we don’t know. Thousands of documents relating to Mandelson’s Washington posting apparently remain under lock and key, despite previous police guidance indicating that no more than five of them may be crucial to any legal proceedings.
It is arguably of even greater concern that – according to Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch – notes and other key details appear to be missing from the files that have been released.
But Mrs Badenoch went further by articulating something that will have occurred to many objective observers.
The PM has, she claimed, told ‘lie after lie after lie’ about Mandelson’s appointment, adding: ‘He has been dishonest with the country.’
Only time will tell whether her verdict on Sir Keir’s relationship with the truth is accurate, although the files published this week certainly exposed gaping holes in his previous accounts of what he knew.
But one point made by Mrs Badenoch stands without fear of contradiction. While the PM sought to make this entire affair focus on Mandelson, she said, the reality is that it is actually about his own judgment.
Never was a truer word spoken. From the very start when he ignored both wise counsel and damning evidence to appoint Mandelson to the job, Starmer has shown a complete lack of nous throughout this sorry saga.
Even now in a desperate, last-ditch bid to save his political skin, he still can’t get it right. The game really is up.