Two of Britain’s best professional wrestler’s – Ben Pumffery and Tommy Tanner – gave me a brutal insight into the glory and pain they experience when they step into the ring
My childhood friends never believed me when I told them I was related to WWE royalty. Not even my King Kong Bundy t-shirt and blood-covered action figure could convince them.
My proud proclamations of having a cousin who wrestled (and beat) Hulk Hogan in a 1987 match (before losing the rematch) were met with derision and sardonic put downs. “And the guy down the chip shop swears he is Elvis” was one remark that still stings.
I eventually stopped bringing up Bundy – whose real name was Christopher Pallies and died in 2019 – whenever wrestling was mentioned. But the sneering comments left a bitter chip on my shoulder – I had something to prove.
Over two decades later and I had finally been given a chance – well, more of a ring – to prove a WWE superstar was in my bloodline. Stood before me are two beefy professional wrestlers ready to show me the ropes – and how to jump off them.
UK Super Heavyweight Ben Pumffery and “Ultimate Geezer” Tommy Tanner cut imposing figures as I stepped into the ring at PlayFight professional wrestling school in Woolwich, London. I was around the same height but they were far more muscular and, as I soon found out, powerful.
We started out with some easy rope running exercises. Bounding across the ring and throwing my back into the rubber ropes was a lot sorer than I anticipated, a bad omen for what lay ahead.
Next up was am locks. This involves two wrestlers dancing around the ring up before simultaneously grabbing each other’s neck and arm.
The theatrical elements of this drill were enjoyable and started to believe I might have a future as a professional wrestler. To use the parlance of the times, I was feeling myself.
However, the grinding nature of reality is never far away as the next drill was about to remind me. The name ‘bumps’ implies a light and maybe even jovial bit of horseplay.
Giving yourself whiplash would be a more accurate name. While holding the ropes, one assumes a seated position and leans back to build tension.
Then, you release the rope and thrust your hips forward so your upper back slams against the canvas while locking your chin to your chest. The last part is crucial as I found out when the back of my head slammed into the canvas.
The explosive noise of back and head hitting the canvas was worse than the actual impact but it still hurt. And despite the concerned looks from those watching ringside, I did it another two times.
My heart was racing and adrenaline was pumping around my body as I got ready for the next drill – body slams. This was a favourite move of 6’5” 200kg cousin so I tried to encapsulate his spirit while watching Ben pick up and throw down Tommy.
It was suddenly my turn. All the playground put downs and sneering faces rushed back through my mind as I leant down to pick up Tommy.
To my surprise, I lifted him over my shoulder and managed to throw him down on the crash mat. Using the power of my distant cousin, I had done it and proved the naysayers wrong.
My spirit soared until I saw Ben sizing me up while telling me how to lessen the impact. The secret is to touch the ground with your feet first then thrust your hips forward and spread out your arms.
The being picked up part is fun but the coming down section is brutal. I was body slammed onto the crash matt a couple of times before it was suggested we do a real one onto the canvas.
I was only too eager – pride goeth before destruction. The impact was devastating and left me winded.
My body was bruised but my spirit was at an all time high.
Ben Pumffery and Tommy Tanner will be wrestling at London’s King Cross Station across four time slots – 8am, 12pm, 1pm and a 5:45pm – on March 19 as part of a promotion for Tony’s Chocolonely.
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