JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who wishes her guy would stand up for himself
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If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Band of brothers
My fella is a decent bloke, but I hate the way his old school mates treat him.
One chancer owes him £2,000 from years ago – and there’s never any mention of paying the money back.
Another (married clown) regularly borrows my bloke’s flat for sexual assignations with strange women. But the one that really gets me is the bully who physically pushes my man around.
Any time we’re out together in a gang, this creep cannot leave my man alone. If he’s not got him in a ‘jokey’ headlock, then he’s pulling the chair from under him. He makes my blood boil.
This moron and I have had words and now he keeps away from me. But I dread to imagine what he gets up to when I’m not around.
How can my guy stand to ripped off and disrespected?
JANE SAYS: I suspect your boyfriend and his mates have been through a lot together and share a brotherly bond.
You may not understand or even approve, but it sounds as if he’s prepared to forgive them anything. That may be difficult to fathom from outside of the circle, but some friendships do have their unique idiosyncrasies. I understand your frustrations, because you care about your man, but I think you now need to back off. You’ve said your piece.
You’ve warned your man that he’s being played and used – now it’s up to him to sort his own problems out. Sadly, if he doesn’t stand up for himself, then maybe he’s not the sort of life partner you’re looking for.
No fireworks
My girlfriend and I no longer have sex. Any time I touch her she pushes me away saying “don’t”.
The last time we were intimate was on Bonfire Night. We’d been to a party. We bathed together and then fell onto the bed in a passionate embrace. We were so hot for each other that we did it FOUR times on the trot. Now, I can’t understand why she is so reluctant to repeat the experience. I’ve suggested early nights and sexy showers, but she’s not interested.
JANE SAYS: I worry that your girlfriend has lost her sexual confidence. Last year she was relaxed, calm and happy. Cast your mind back; what has happened since then to make her feel tense and insecure? Trouble with work? Family? Health? Or money perhaps?
Talk to her again and tell her that you’re concerned about her happiness because you can sense that something is wrong. Is there something she needs to tell you? Explain that you’re prepared to take sex off the menu until she’s ready again. Absolutely no pressure.
Make it clear that you’re on her side and will support her all the way in feeling better again. Suggest she visits her GP if she feels that would help.
Spendaholic
It’s been suggested to me that my new girlfriend has a serious spending habit. I’ve been warned that her parents were forced to re-mortgage their house to cover her credit card bills. She has never talked to me about having an addiction. Should I confront her?
Would it be rude when she’s lovely towards me?
JANE SAYS: It could be that your friend is already receiving professional help and support. Why don’t you simply be honest and explain to her that you’ve heard certain things that need to be clarified in your mind.
At least give her a chance to explain herself. You must never give or loan her any money of your own and you must always trust your instincts.