JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is obsessed with a sexy cougar
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Older and better
How do I tell my long-term girlfriend that I don’t want to be with her anymore because I’ve fallen in love with a much older woman?
My girl will be confused and insulted because she’s fit and gorgeous. She spends a fortune on beauty treatments and goes to the gym four times a week. In contrast, the woman I’ve lost my heart to is twice divorced and is nearly old enough to be my mum. But I don’t care. She’s the one I crave, adore and want in my life – and my bed. If I’m honest, I’ve always been attracted to older women. I love females with confidence and experience; women who aren’t afraid to instigate sex and grab life by the whatsits…
I met my new love on a dating app. I wasn’t looking for love, but we clicked. She’s 63 to my 29…
We met for sex a week later. The whole experience was mind blowing with her doing things to me that made me quiver. She emerged from the bathroom in a black leather basque wielding a riding crop in one hand and a paddle in the other. Her lips were blood red and her heels like spikes. She growled that she intended to ‘make me see stars’ and she didn’t let me down.
We’ve been in daily contact ever since and I’m secretly making plans to move in with her. Only my long-term girlfriend thinks we’re getting married next year. Nothing has been booked yet; she’s telling loads of family members and friends to ‘save the date’. I just feel terrible.
My girl and I have been together since we were 19 but I can no longer live a lie.
JANE SAYS: Your current girlfriend is entitled to the truth. You and she have been together since you were teenagers. If she has no idea about your secret life; if she thinks she’s about to get married; then you must let her know where she stands.
There’s nothing wrong with loving an older woman – you can bed anyone you like – but things must be done in the right order. You can’t see your cougar again until you’ve finished with your long-term girl and are free to start afresh.
Of course, it is going to be tough telling your girl that your feelings have changed and that you’re leaving her, but I’m sure that you would want to be told the truth if the roles were reversed.
Pull your head out of the sand, confront this and apologise that things haven’t turned out as planned. But what you can’t do is deny who you are – and what you like – and continue to live a lie.
Also ask yourself why you were tempted to look at a dating app in the first place.
She’s ashamed of me
My girl will not allow me to announce that we’re a proper couple. At parties she stands apart from me. She insists that we arrive and leave venues separately. But what is most upsetting is that she never shows me affection in public or allows me to suggest that we’re anything more than ‘just good friends’.
I don’t know who she thinks she’s fooling because all my friends have sussed that we’re an item and couldn’t care less. Recently, at a family gathering, my mother dared to introduce her to my aunt as ‘the newest member of the family’ and my girl nearly bit her head off. My poor Mum was mortified yet my girl still won’t apologise and keeps telling me that I’m not to assume anything because she doesn’t know what her plans are long term. What am I supposed to glean from that?
JANE SAYS: I get the impression that your girl has a very high opinion of herself. Could it be that she doesn’t consider you quite good enough for her and that she’s waiting for someone better to come along? You decide.
You can’t allow anyone to treat you like a second-class citizen. Whichever way you look at it; her behaviour is cruel, manipulative and rude. The woman is a user and a flake. Clearly, she likes you enough to have sex with, but not to be introduced as her equal. Please do yourself a favour and walk away before she saps your remaining confidence.
Tell yourself that you’re better than this and find a genuine girl who realises how lucky she is to have you.
The silent treatment
I feel insulted that my boyfriend’s parents never speak to me. During a family meal the mother will say: “Does she like rice?” or “Does she eat chicken?” My boyfriend will then answer on my behalf. But often they’ll look me up and down and say things like “Does she dye her hair?” or “She’s put on weight, again”. I just find this so rude.
Even when I speak directly to them, they address their answers through my fella. He hates their attitude as much as I do and is always aplogising for them, but he doesn’t believe that they’re going to change any time soon. My fella is 26. What can I do?
JANE SAYS: I get the impression that these people will never consider anyone good enough for their little prince. They think that by being downright rude they’ll see you off and have him all to themselves again. Maybe they’re right because you’re only human and, presumably, can only take so much.
I don’t understand why your man doesn’t have a private conversation with them and read them the riot act on your behalf? Why does he continue to roll over when he knows how much their ignorance upsets you? Talk to him today and tell him that there must be changes if he’s serious about you and you’re to stick around.
However, if you believe that they actively enjoy being disrespectful and rude towards you, then why go round there again? Surely life is too short to be insulted and ignored?