If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
We’re on a break
My girl and I are currently on a break. We haven’t officially broken up but we’re supposed to be ‘thinking about things’.
Back in January we mutually agreed to give each other space and review our relationship in April.
Things had become bad between us; we were fighting about money, her jealousy and my family.
We sat down, like adults, and agreed that we wouldn’t see each other or date anyone else for three months. We wouldn’t flirt, kiss and certainly not bed other lovers; we’d simply consider our future.
Now my mates are saying that she’s making a fool of me. They claim they’ve seen her down our local pubs and clubs putting herself about. They say she’s drinking like a fish and getting off with every bloke in sight.
Even my brother says he’s heard rumours of her having a foursome with some people from her old work. I’m in pieces. I trusted my girl to do the right thing, and this is how she repays me.
Even though we agreed not to talk to each other during our break, I have texted her a couple of times to ask what is going on. First, she said that I needed to stop listening to my interfering mates and trust her.
Then she provided alibis for every single one of the charges I laid against her. She absolutely swore that she’s done nothing wrong.
The idea is for us to meet up again next month and start planning for the future. We’re going to talk about getting a flat, booking a holiday and, maybe even, getting engaged. I’m fully committed to this plan – and she insists that she is too – but can I really believe a word she says when my pals are telling me that she’s a cheat and a liar?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you tell your friends and family that you don’t wish to hear any more tittle-tattle.
Stay away from your estranged girlfriend and stick to your side of the bargain. Really thinking about the kind of relationship you have with her and whether it has a future. Do you love her? Do you trust her? Do you think she’s capable of change? Are you?
Consider why you and she broke up in the first place. If you get back together again, then will you still be rowing about money, her jealousy and your family? Is there a danger that you’ll simply settle back into the same old routine?
When you and she do meet for your catch-up chat, then force yourself to sit back and really listen to everything your girl has to say to you. Is she serious about wanting to make a go of things or does she still have a lot of living to do?
You must look into her eyes and trust your instincts.
Is she really the person you want to find a flat with and, possibly, get engaged too – or did this relationship run out of steam a long time ago? Consider your self-esteem, your mental well-being and the matter of mutual respect before making any long-term promises.
Ultimately you need to decide who you trust more; your girl or your numerous friends and relatives who all seem to have a scandalous story and a view…
Hole in the wall
My flat mate is threatening to blackmail me.
I’m in a relationship with a wonderful guy but, a few nights about I had a moment of madness and bought a stranger back to the flat for sex.
My flat mate caught us naked together on the front room carpet and is threatening to expose me. He says that unless I allow him to drill a hole in my bedroom wall, so that he can spy on me with my boyfriend – and any future lovers – then he’ll tell everyone I know that I’m a slut. I’m terrified.
But I don’t feel as though I’ve got the power to stop him.
JANE SAYS: Get in first and tell your boyfriend, friends and family everything so that this creep no longer has any power over you. How dare he attempt to intimidate and blackmail you? Remind him that your private life is none of his business and if he oversteps the mark then there will be consequences. Start looking for a new pad because you can’t possibly stay where you are.
As for drilling a hole in the wall and watching – or even filming – you with future lovers; forget it.
Never forget that he is a bully. Don’t have any hesitation in reporting him to the police because you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.
Sneaky sex
Every lunch time, two married colleagues sneak into a walk-in storage cupboard behind my desk and have noisy sex. I can hear everything and it’s so embarrassing. I can’t afford café food and bring in sandwiches from home. I get an hour for lunch and there are only so many times I can walk around the local park before I’m forced to return to my desk. Should I say something to them or the boss? I’m new here. I don’t want to get into trouble. I’m beginning to dread coming to work each morning.
JANE SAYS: Clearly the couple in question are in the grips of a huge passion – and probably aren’t thinking straight – but there’s a time and a place for everything – and it’s not amongst the cobwebs behind your desk. You shouldn’t have to put up with this nonsense.
You may be a new recruit, but you are an important member of staff too. Surely this cupboard now needs to be locked whenever it’s lunchtime? Is there a line manager, HR executive or union representative – basically, anyone in authority – that you can talk to?
I understand that you don’t wish to get anyone into trouble, but why should you have to tolerate this embarrassment? Talking sense won’t make you a snitch.
Pay back time
I’m terrible with money. I’m always overdrawn. The other day my I rang my mum in tears. She was sympathetic up to a point and then said: “Don’t forget you still owe me £200 and your Dad £150 from last year”. I couldn’t believe it. What is it with people? Have they no hearts? Why make things even harder for me?
JANE SAYS: You can’t bury your head in the sand and simply wish your debts away. If you still owe your mum and dad money, then it needs to be paid back. Clearly this matter is on their minds, so confront it and talk to them about a weekly repayment plan. As for your bigger overdraft, either speak to your bank or contact StepChange Debt Charity (0800 138 1111).