If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Naked in the garden
My girlfriend used to be upbeat and fun. When we first got together in 2023, she’d do anything for a laugh.
Once we had noisy sex on her balcony just to annoy her nosy neighbours.
Another time we broke into her hated ex-stepfather’s garden at midnight. We stripped naked and ran around screaming obscenities about him. We were lucky not to get arrested but I’ve never laughed so much in my life. Now she doesn’t want to go out, see friends or sleep with me. She’s in a new job, which is well paid but incredibly demanding. She is overwhelmed and exhausted. She has no energy for anything else other than work and no spark. We haven’t made love for yonks. I’m so sexually frustrated that I’m doing stuff that I’m really not proud of. In the last few weeks, I’ve secretly met up with a number of girls for sex and visited a massage parlour for relief.
I’m not a complete moron. I have tried speaking to her about how she’s coping and how I feel.
I need a time frame so that I can plan. Will she feel better in one or two weeks or one or two months? Will she consider counselling or looking for a new position?
Sadly, she’s not willing or able to tell me how things stand.
Any time I start a conversation she says she’s too tired and too stressed to concentrate.
I love her and we have some fantastic memories.
But living this stagnant life isn’t easy. I feel as though I’m throwing away some of my best years on someone who isn’t prepared to acknowledge my needs or meet me halfway.
Where do we go from here?
JANE SAYS: Your girlfriend sounds like a woman on the edge. She’s taken on a job that pays well but demands everything of her. Suddenly she doesn’t have the time, or energy, to see friends or have fun with you.
I urge you to back off because she needs to sort this situation for herself. Clearly, she’s still finding her feet but is determined to stick with her position and make a success of it. Maybe she just needs a little more time in order to get a handle on the role and plan her work/life balance accordingly. Face it, starting a new job is never easy and there are always challenges and hiccups along the way.
She needs to know that you’re on-side and that you’re there for her. If you are… Surely, she deserves better from you. You and she have been together for three years. Where is your loyalty and understanding. Does she need help with planning or prioritising tasks?
The last thing she needs is you bedding other women and playing around on the side.
How would you feel if you were struggling with a new job and she skipped off with a load of other fellas?
All relationships go through ups and downs, and you need to be more caring and understanding.
Her family and close friends also need to be alerted to this situation so that they can help you in supporting her. Sadly, if you’re interested in sticking around, then make it clear that this is where you depart because you’re moving on.
Too strong
A sassy, older colleague fancies me. My mates joke that she could eat me whole. Five times now she’s whispered filthy things in my ear by the water cooler. The thing is I don’t desire her. She says she’s sex-starved after a nasty break up and ready for fun.
Our boss has organised a team building weekend in Devon next month. He’s booked out a lovely hotel with a spa. I’m genuinely terrified that this cougar is going to get drunk, pin me down and ravish me.
JANE SAYS: Nothing gives this misguided the woman the right to intimidate or bully you. I don’t care how sexually frustrated or horny she is; this is 2026 and you’re entitled to dignity and respect. She needs to be told to behave and back off. Where is her professionalism or her manners? You are her equal and this over-familiarity simply isn’t on.
Make a note of everything that has happened so far and then ask for a meeting with your immediate boss. Make it clear that this situation is no joke and you will not be hunted or intimidated during the work trip away. You will take this further and speak to your union/HR if you have to. This is not you being a prude or a troublemaker; this is you standing up for yourself and being honest.
Fierce competition
There’s unspoken competition between my best friend and myself. If I get something – a handbag, item of clothing, pair of shoes – then she goes straight out and buys the same thing for herself.
I’m not being smug, but I can afford this stuff. She can’t. I fear she’s borrowing and taking out loans and I feel responsible. The problem is that this not something I can speak to her about. She’s very proud and it would embarrass her greatly if I dared to question her outgoings.
JANE SAYS: You and your friend have been tiptoeing around each other for too long. Take the bull by the horns and gently explain to her that you’re not in competition.
She doesn’t have to make herself bankrupt in an effort to impress you.
Make it clear that it hasn’t escaped your notice that she seems to be living beyond her means.
Maybe she is a proud woman who is determined to keep up a front, but she needs to know that you’re her mate – not her tormentor. Offer to go through her budget. If she flies into a huff or tells you to mind your own business, then at least you’ll know that you tried to reach out.
Easy money
My new boyfriend wants to be a male escort. He sees this as a route to easy money. I’ve known him a few weeks and he hasn’t gone on any ‘dates’ yet, but he assures me that when he does it’ll; ‘just be a job’.
He has a great body and is well hung, but I don’t know how I feel about sharing him.
JANE SAYS: Do yourself a favour and walk away before any serious damage is done to your mental and sexual health. If this guy fancies being a male escort, then that’s up to him but I don’t get the impression that this is the deal you signed up to. He’s deluded if he thinks that putting himself out there – for a price – equals easy money. Vow not to share with anyone – ever.