If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Porn at the party
My girlfriend cannot move without her mobile phone.
She looks at it during sex; she texts all through dinner and ‘double screens’ while watching TV or a movie.
Her addiction is not funny. Recently my sister got married. It was a lavish ‘do’ that cost my parents a fortune. Yet my girl saw fit to scroll all through the church ceremony and the three course wedding breakfast. I even caught her looking at porn during the evening disco.
My family were incensed. They called her rude and ungrateful to her face, but she didn’t care. She doesn’t care about anything except her blessed handset. Our sex life has been ‘off’ for a while so, the other day, I offered to give her a sensual massage as a form of foreplay. She played a childish computer game the whole time I was touching her. I was so angry that I stormed out and slept on the sofa.
The problem is that she visibly shakes and has panic attacks if she can’t find her electronic ‘crutch’ even for a few seconds. From checking socials to accessing videos, I can’t remember the last time she sat down and did anything without fiddling with her phone.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was having an affair. But she swears not and I have to accept that. I’m not the only one tearing my hair out. Even her best, most loyal, mates say they’re sick of playing second fiddle to her mobile. They say she used to be a laugh to go out with, now she’s like a zombie because she’s never in the moment. She has lost her whole personality and sense of humour and fun. I love her but despair of her at the same time. Is she lost to me?
JANE SAYS: It sounds like your girlfriend is in the grip of a dangerous and very real addiction. If she can’t function without a phone in her hand, if her most loyal friends are turning away from her and your family are branding her rude and disrespectful, then something is going very wrong in her life. The fact is that mobile phones aren’t new.
Most of us have one but she can’t exercise restraint.
There’s no denying that the tide is turning especially when it comes to limiting screen time for the sake of our mental health and real time relationships.
She needs to hear that there’s more to life that games and gossip. At the moment her behaviour is immature and rude. She behaved like a brat at your sister’s wedding. I suggest you talk to her. Tell her that you’re bored of all this fiddling. Whatever happened to the concept of there being a time and a place for everything? Like all things, your girlfriend needs to learn about discipline, moderation and manners. Is she now so bored of your relationship that she’d rather check Facebook than look at you? Is there someone else in her life? Or does she have an out-of-control habit that requires professional help?
Make it clear that you’re prepared to help and support. Is she prepared to see her GP in an effort to change? However, if she isn’t interested in meeting, you halfway, then I don’t see how you and she can keep limping along. Something very significant needs to give.
Third wheel
I’m sick of being the odd one out.
My ex-husband and I divorced in 2019. Since then, I’ve hung out with my sister – going out for meals and on holiday with her. Now she’s got herself a man friend and I’m out on a limb. Recently the three of us went to Dorset for a break and he left me in no doubt that I was in the way.
He kept taking her off on walks and leaving me behind.
On the last night he started arguing with me about religion and politics – basically everything I said was wrong.
JANE SAYS: Clearly your sister is stuck in the middle. She feels responsible for you and doesn’t like the idea of leaving you out, but you must accept that she is living a different life now. She has someone new to think about. I’m not surprised her boyfriend is miffed if you keep tagging along on holidays too. Of course, you’re entitled to see your sister for meals and days out, but you can’t expect to be included in everything she does.
It’s time for you to start again as an independent woman. I know it’s tough, but you must seek out new friends who are willing to hook up for fresh adventures. Don’t forget that there are also travel companies that cater for solo travellers.
Never enough
My mum loves to put me down. Anything I attempt is greeted with a sneer. Her home-cooked birthday dinner? “Utterly tasteless”. My new outfit? “You look hideous”.
Recently we invited her to the pub for a Sunday roast.
We were paying and she complained about everything from the decor to the service. She insists on being involved with everything we do then slags us off.
How does that work? What is her problem?
JANE SAYS: I wonder if your mother is jealous of your life.
Maybe she doesn’t like the fact that you’re the main woman now and she’s been sidelined? Don’t be tempted to fall out with her, because you’ll regret it later.
Instead, calm down, keep out of her way for a few days and then arrange to meet her for a coffee. You’re at a stage in your life, now, where you can be scrupulously honest with her. Calmly explain that you’ve clocked her negative attitude and don’t like it. Make it clear that you both need to start afresh. Is there anything she’d like to add?
Clearly you do things that annoy her, but she’s by no means perfect either. She may not like it, but she needs to hear that you’re not a kid anymore.
Five stars
My girlfriend loves to brag about her raunchy past. Recently, during a chilled weekend away with mates, she told the whole gang about a FIVESOME she’d once enjoyed with two guys and two other women. I felt ridiculous sitting there, listening to it all.
She’s never made any secret of her ‘wild days’, but I’m struggling to cope with the facts. What should I do?
JANE SAYS: Make it clear that you’re not trying to gag or censor her, but you won’t mention your ex-lovers if she doesn’t mention hers. Ask your girl to respect your feelings by drawing a line under the past. Tell her that no one likes a showoff and that while her experiences may have been ‘hilarious’ at the time, they leave you cold and embarrassed.