If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
He stole my monkey
My boyfriend can’t concentrate on anything for more than five minutes. Recently I insisted we give the weekend over to spring cleaning and sprucing up our flat, which was looking grubby. While I scrubbed and bleached, he was supposed to be repainting the bathroom. I went in to check on him, and he was looking at porn. An hour later I found him asleep on the bed. We had a massive row, and he stormed off down the pub. I ended up blitzing the whole place on my own. Just typical of him.
He is so unreliable he makes me want to scream. He regularly promises me the world but never follows through. I mention holidays, outings and experiences that I fancy and he says he’ll get right on it, but he never does. He’s always got an excuse or simply forgets, which suggests to me that he doesn’t care….
Last year he left me for another woman.
I got home from work to discover that all his stuff had gone – he’d also taken the £500 ‘emergency fund’ I kept in my bedside table. I was distraught.
But he only lasted a few weeks. Apparently, his new lover was too bossy and wasn’t interested in full sex. She preferred kissing and cuddling and romantic gestures.
She made him do the washing up, which didn’t suit him at all. He kept texting me asking if he could ‘come home’. He promised to change and, like a fool, I fell for it. He’s back here now and I feel disappointed in him all over again. I suppose what I’m really asking you is can I put up with this man forever? Is he always going to frustrate and let me down in the long run? Is he capable of becoming the person I need him to be?
He’s 38 and I’m 32.
JANE SAYS: Your guy is a mature man. I fear that what you see is what you get. Is he interested in changing? I don’t get the impression he is. I fear that he is always going to disappoint you because he sets his own agenda and chooses to live his life his way.
He didn’t fancy decorating, so he insulted you by looking at porn instead. He happily crashed out on the bed while you scrubbed and blitzed the flat because he didn’t care enough to rouse himself and help you. The question I want to ask you is how much more can YOU stand?
How much time have you wasted fretting over him?
Do you honestly feel that you can cope with, yet another let down? Did he apologise for hurting and humiliating you by going off with another woman? Did he repay your stolen £500 with interest?
You need to consider your self-esteem, your dignity and your limits.
Are you going into this next stage of your life/this relationship with your eyes fully open?
Remember that these are your golden years and if your guy is not delivering in terms of love, support and respect then what is the point of him? Are you guilty of throwing your energy and your potential away by staying with him?
Think about it.
Dress code
My fiancé is insisting on organising our whole wedding himself.
He says I have terrible taste and can’t be trusted.
It feels like he’s pulling the rug from under me.
My mum and I have been mentally planning my wedding for years. He’s even choosing my dress, yet I know what suits me. Mum is furious and says she hates him. I feel I’m being torn in two directions.
What can I say to him without hurting his feelings and causing a row?
JANE SAYS: You need to think seriously about a future with this control freak. Are you honestly telling me that your potential husband isn’t prepared to let you choose something as personal as your own wedding dress? I fear that unless you stand up for yourself now, then he’ll take it as read that he can boss you about forever more. Not healthy. Go back to basics and insist on fresh talks. If he genuinely wants to be involved, then divide up the jobs. Let him organise the cars, the evening reception, the honeymoon – whatever – while you concentrate on what interests you best. Sadly, if he refuses to compromise, then I suggest you dump him and make plans to move on. Otherwise, your married life will be a living hell.
Especially if he and your Mum are going to be at loggerheads too
Ungrateful freeloaders
I’ve not had a good year so far.
I’m self-employed and hurt my leg in January. Then I lost a good customer, which was a major blow.
For the past six years my oldest friend and her husband have come to my house for a free holiday in July.
A few weeks I plucked up the courage to write to them. I explained that I’m struggling. I asked them not to visit this year and hoped that they understood. I’ve not heard a single word from them since. Not a ‘hope you’re okay’ or even a ‘visit us instead’
I feel I’ve been used.
JANE SAYS: These ‘friends’ happily accepted your hospitality for many years but now they’ve gone to ground. In future, only carry out good works and acts of charity if YOU want to; if you get something positive out of giving up your time and helping other people.
There is nothing to be gained from feeling bitter or angry. Accept that you hosted and entertained your friend and her freeloading husband willingly – but that was then and this is now. Put them behind you and don’t feel guilty or inclined to have them in your house again in the future. Sadly, they’ve shown their true colours.
Trust is lost
At the end of last year, I was badly let down by an ex-friend. He conned me out of some money and now I’m struggling to trust. A couple of new colleagues have invited me out for a drink but what if they try and con me too? My judgement is shot. How do I tell the good guys from the bad?
JANE SAYS: Have you reported your ex-mate to the police? If not, why not? Learn from your past mistakes and don’t lend money to anyone again. Go for those drinks but always pay your own way and don’t fall for sob stories. If someone does, dare, ask you for cash, tell them straightaway that you’re not able to help and leave.
Be on your guard for red flags.