A 22-year-old woman whose OCD left her convinced that she was a paedophile has spoken out about how the condition started, and the impact it had on her mental health
A woman whose obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) wrongly led her to believe that she was a paedophile has spoken out explaining how the pattern of harmful, intrusive thoughts started.
Molly Lambert says that she was first hit by the troubling thoughts when she was a teenager, admitting that they became so overwhelming that her entire daily life was dominated by them. She explained that by 15, she was spending every day battling with ideas that she might look to hurt those around her, despite the fact that she had no intentions of doing so.
Speaking to the BBC, she said that even when she was a young child, she was unknowingly feeling “on high alert”, and that she spent much of her childhood worrying about her parents dying, becoming seriously ill, or danger happening around her.
At night, she would lie awake imagining worst-case scenarios, including kidnapping and harm coming to her or her family.
She explained: “In my childhood and when I was younger, I have a few memories now of how it was manifesting and how it was presenting that was very clearly OCD.
“I spent a lot of time obsessing over everything, and I felt so much guilt and a weird sense of homesickness my whole childhood,” she said.
“I would obsess over things, obviously, my parents dying, me falling ill, danger around me, and it was always like I just felt like I was so on high alert to everything all the time.”
“I remember vividly lying in bed at night and just like worrying about being kidnapped and what they would look like and what they would do to me and how my family would feel and what would happen to my family.”
As her brain developed, Molly says that her OCD grew worse, with her thoughts becoming more specific and frightening.
Perhaps the most shocking form her OCD-related worries took the form of was an anxiety that she might be attracted to minors, which stemmed from a single, harmless thought about a child’s outfit.
The intrusive thoughts became so troubling that Molly even considered taking her own life.
She said. “Every second of every day, I was worrying about being a paedophile.
“I thought [I’d have to] either confess these thoughts to my family, maybe the police talk to me, or I kill myself.”
OCD typically involves three main elements: intrusive obsessive thoughts, intense emotional distress, and compulsive behaviours used to try to reduce anxiety.
These can include repeated checking, cleaning, mental rituals, avoidance, or other repetitive actions.
If you think a friend or family member may have OCD, the NHS recommends talking to them about your concerns and suggesting they get help.
The NHS say: “OCD is unlikely to get better on its own, but treatment and support is available to help you manage your symptoms and have a better quality of life.”
They recommend referring yourself directly to an NHS talking therapies service, or visiting your GP.
For anyone who is currently or has experience suicidal thoughts, you should contact a GP or care team immediately if you ever feel you cannot go on. You can also call 116 123 to talk to the Samaritans, or email: jo@samaritans.org for a reply within 24 hours.
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