If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Guilty pleasure
Since divorcing her husband, my eldest daughter has gone off the rails. She’s hanging out in bars and clubs, drinking too much and sleeping around.
She’s in her thirties but she’s got herself a toy boy lover.
The other day I went round to see her at 3pm and she was still in bed with a massive hangover. Next to her, under the duvet, was a fella who could have been no more than 20. She’s in her mid-thirties and introduced him to me as her ‘guilty pleasure’. I just know that he was doing ‘things’ (intimate things) to her under that duvet even as I was standing there.
She was howling with pleasure and I left in disgust.
I love her, but I hate the way she’s carrying on. I get it that she’s letting her hair down after a horrible marriage, but how long is she going to carry on behaving like a fool? I worry about her safety.
Even her best friend, who is usually willing to forgive her anything, thinks she is an embarrassment. They’re not talking and that breaks my heart. I never meant it to come to this.
The thing is that I encouraged my girl to leave her husband because he was controlling and cruel. It took me four years to convince her to see the light and then another year to get her out of his clutches and into a safe place. Now she has her own flat and she should be flying only she’s throwing her freedom – and her reputation – out the window.
JANE SAYS: I suspect your daughter is feeling like a bird released. She is ecstatic that she’s no longer being bullied and doesn’t have to answer to anyone. If her failed marriage was as unhappy as you suggest then no one could blame her for letting her hair down now. I get it that you’re confused and disappointed, but you must realise that she’s an adult and she can live her life anyway she chooses. Maybe you don’t approve of the boozy nights or the hot dates but she’s not asking for your opinion or your approval.
Are you miffed because you assumed that after her divorce that she’d come back to you and become your companion? Were you secretly hoping that she’d swear off men and stick to your side for the foreseeable future?
Ask your daughter to be careful because excessive drinking, dangerous sex and silly antics aren’t good for anyone. Tell her that you love her and need her to stay safe. Then back off while she gets this craziness out of her system and then discovers who she really is and what she wants from her life.
Boring now
My Infatuated mate can’t let her ex-boyfriend go. He dumped her ages ago and she’s not even close to getting over him. She tracks him on social media. She’s obsessed. The other day there was a group shot of him with loads of other people. They looked as if they were in a trendy bar having a really good time. Her ex had his around one woman and was giving her a peck on the cheek. My mate went into complete meltdown until I did some digging around and discovered that the woman is his boss. If I’m honest, she’s driving me, and all our mates, completely mad. We never even liked him when they were together and now, she’s in danger of losing us all too. Recently, during my birthday meal in a fancy restaurant, she spent the whole time on her phone. When I complained she accused me of being insensitive.
JANE SAYS: Sit your friend down and tell her that you’re not prepared to put up with this rubbish. You’re not ganging up on her, but you do need her to lay the past to rest and move on. At the moment she’s wasting time and energy on her phone and computer, while disrespecting everyone around her.
Insist she cuts the cord and defriends her ex forever. Of course, it’s hard and final, but otherwise she’s in danger of turning into an obsessed stalker. Can’t she see that her current behaviour is unacceptable and very undignified? Sadly, if she isn’t willing or able to go cold turkey just yet, you need to explain that you’ll have to duck out of her life for a while until she comes crashing back down to earth again.
Allergic reaction
My partner has gone off sex. It’s got to the stage where she’ll do anything to stop me from touching her. I’m a not a monster, I understand that she has a problem with her back. I know that she suffers from bad periods and headaches too, but constantly being brushed off and pushed away is really beginning to get to me. The other night I went to touch her and she sneezed. She had the nerve to mutter that she thought she might be allergic to me.
Any time I tell her that I’m sex starved and frustrated she tells me to pay a sex worker or pull a conquest in a club, but that’s no kind of answer, is it?
We’ve only been together for four years. She says that she loves me, but I don’t get any affection or attention whatsoever.
JANE SAYS: I urge you to talk to your partner away from the bedroom and make it clear that you can’t go on like this. What is the real reason she keeps pushing you away? Would she be prepared to go back to basics (with date nights, early bedtimes and sex games)?
At least give her a chance to explain herself and see if you can come to a compromise.
Presumably, she was interested in sex at the beginning of your relationship, so what has changed? Sadly, if she continues to bat you away and avoid intimacy, then I don’t think you can risk your self-confidence by sticking with her for much longer. I fear that if you stick around, then she’ll only continue to upset, frustrate and belittle you. Has she got someone else? Is she confused about her own sexuality? Or is it simply a case of not bothering to try now that she’s ‘got’ you?
Under the radar
My new boyfriend goes off radar at weekends. He’s great fun from 9am Monday morning until 6pm on Friday afternoon, but then he disappears. No calls, texts or emails are answered. He shrugs and says he’s busy with mates and his mother, but could it be something more? He absolutely swears that he isn’t married and doesn’t have children, but I’m not convinced. I’d like us to go on holiday together, but will he commit?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you stop wondering and start living. I hate the idea of you wasting your weekends when this ‘boyfriend’ clearly enjoys another life. Obviously, I don’t know the bloke, but I’d lay a pound to a penny that is he is either married or in a committed relationship. Why else would he so obviously go ‘off radar’? Tell him ‘enough’s enough’ and move swiftly on.