If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Shake it up
My girl is a serial cheat. She works in a male dominated industry where she has the pick of the bunch. In the five years I’ve known her she’s slept with bosses, colleagues and clients alike.
She insists that she loves me and wants us to stay together but is extremely vain and self-obsessed. Basically, she gets off on male attention. A guy only has to tell her that she looks gorgeous and she’s down his throat. I’m aware that she goes back to guys’ houses for sex whenever I’m on business. People constantly warn me that she’s making a fool of me behind my back, but whenever I tackle her, she always swears that none of her flings are serious and that she’ll change.
Recently I came home and found a pair of grubby underpants in our bed. I was disgusted.
She tried to lie her way out of the fix by claiming that her brother had popped round; been taken poorly and had taken a nap in our bed. In the nude? Please!
It feels like she throws everything back in my face. In the time we’ve been together I’ve taken her on holidays, paid off her credit card bills and treated her to endless clothes and meals. At the moment she is gearing up for a two week ‘business trip’ to Canada. I just don’t know if I believe her.
I suspect she’s planning to go away with a lover. Friends are warning me that she’s obsessed with a new high-flyer who has come into her firm and is shaking everything up. Could he be shaking her up too – and what can I do about it?
We don’t have an open relationship.
JANE SAYS: The first thing you must do is put your foot down and demand full details of the ‘Canada business trip’. What’s really going on?
Your girlfriend has got to be stopped before she self-destructs. At the moment she’s out control and her ego is all over the place. Just because she enjoys male company and has a lot of male friends,
doesn’t give her a green light to bed every last one of them. The usual relationship rules of trust, respect and fidelity still apply. She’s become carried away with her own vanity and self-importance. Tell her that you’re not stupid and that you have eyes and ears. What’s her side of the story? Why does she behave as she does?
If she can’t be trusted, then how can you possibly contemplate a future together? You should also insist that she sees her GP for a full medical examination to check for sexually transmitted infections. Do the same for yourself.
Personally, I think you’re being played and used and need to make a break. I know that splitting up is hard and embarrassing, but how much more humiliation can this woman heap on you?
Just how much more are you willing to take – especially as you don’t have an open relationship and she runs rings around you?
Wasted energy
I was furious when I discovered that my fella was sleeping with a colleague. He claimed he’d started fooling around in a moment of madness.
But I’m gutted because he’s made a fool of me. Our sex life has been pants for the months.
Since Christmas I’ve tried everything to inject love and romance into our relationship. I’ve cooked special meals and bought sexy undies, only to have everything thrown back in my face. For Valentine’s Day I booked a special restaurant, and he spent the whole night looking at his phone. I now realise he was messaging her, while sitting with me. How can one person be so unfeeling and cruel?
JANE SAYS: Has your guy assured you that his affair is completely over? Has he apologised to you and explained fully why it started in the first place? What is his plan for the future? What changes is he planning to make?
He can’t wriggle out of this because you need answers, and you need them now.
Sadly, if you still find yourself upset and confused, then I suggest you tell him you need some time apart because his selfish behaviour has left you reeling.
Make plans to go and stay with family or friends and think everything through. Only you can decide if you’re willing to forgive him and if this relationship has a future – or if it is already doomed…
Snog, remember, annoy
My girlfriend has admitted that she used to snog other girls as a student.
She swears that she’s never had full sex with another woman, which leads me to suspect that she certainly ‘fooled around’ and engaged in, maybe oral or female friendly sex toys. What annoys me is that I only found out the truth when one of her old university pals came to stay. They got drunk and spent hours reminiscing about the good old days.
I love her and thought that she was one sort of person but she’s far more complex and secretive.
JANE SAYS: Nothing gives you the right to slag off your girlfriend for something she did as a student.
If you’ve been happy with your girl up to this point, then why does her past matter? Move on. She can’t rewrite his student days – and I’m sure that she doesn’t wish to either. People grow up; their tastes change; some even reinvent themselves.
If you truly love the girl, then I think you should let this go and accept her for the person she is today. It wouldn’t be fair of you to keep going on about her formative years, because that would be boring for everyone – and you simply don’t have that right.
Poles apart
My boyfriend and I have very little in common.
He’s a lovely bloke – and very funny – but we don’t agree on anything from politics and football to music or food. Yet I get on with him better than anyone else I know.
We have a great sex life and a brilliant days out. Can this last long term?
JANE SAYS: Ever heard the expression: “Opposites attract”?
If you like this guy, if you enjoy each other’s company, then great. Vow to live in the moment and appreciate the good things you share; the humour, the warmth, the honesty and the love. No one knows what’s going to happen to any of us in the long term. As long as you respect each other’s opinions and value honesty, then where is the problem?