If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Second rate
My boyfriend enjoys making me jealous.
He knows that I have very low self-confidence so openly flirts with other girls. He’s always telling me that I’m rubbish and ugly and that other girls are better in bed.
Any time I complain, he accuses me of being uptight with a sense of humour failure.
My friends have branded him a cretin and they have a point.
I hate feeling second rate. I spend a fortune on sexy clothes and beauty treatments. But nothing I do is good enough for him. We’ve been together over five years, and I’ve got a horrible feeling that all love and respect for me have gone. We still have sex, but it’s not very exciting. We got out two or three times a week, but I always have to call him. I constantly worry about how I can make him love me more.
I pay him compliments, but I’m fully aware that he considers me a bit of a joke; a disappointment. The other day I asked if I’m the best girl he’s ever been with, and he said: “No”. When pushed, he admitted that his last four girlfriends were prettier, sexier and had better bodies.
At that point I just lost it and broke down in tears. I wanted him to hug me and say: “Sorry”. But all he did was laugh at my tears. They were a victory as far as he was concerned.
Later I spotted pictures on him on social media in a nightclub in town. He had his arm around another girl. Why is he such a pain?
JANE SAYS: Why do you continue to put yourself through such unhappiness and aggravation?
If your revolting boyfriend can’t see you for the vital and beautiful person you are, then he doesn’t deserve you. Life is too short for these kinds of games. You’ve got to stop looking over your shoulder and start believing in yourself. Accept the fact that you are a young, healthy, beautiful young woman and that you have so much to give.
Hold your head high and be proud of who you are and what you’ve achieved. If you boyfriend thinks it’s funny to belittle you and make you cry, then he is a cretin and a moron. Ditch him. Turn to your friends for comfort and support and give yourself time before you even think about dating again.
If you’re prone to always falling for the same sort of guy (i.e. an arrogant and rude one) then learn from the past and change your type.
Ungrateful lumps
I’m sick of my family being rude to me.
My father is a control freak who can never be criticised. My son treats me like his personal slave and my sister-in-law talks to me like I’m a fool. My father calls at all hours of the day and night demanding food, medicines, lifts and favours. If I dare to answer back, he shouts that my house is dirty, my food is horrible and that I’m a terrible mother.
He’s a massive sulker and I always seem to end up apologising to him. My sister-in-law thinks she’s better than me and now my son (14) has started to side with them against me. I know that I’m not a bad parent. I work very hard and try my best, yet I frequently feel overwhelmed. The other day I cooked a massive roast dinner for everyone, yet not person offered to help with the washing up or even said ‘thank you’.
All I got was the complaint that I hadn’t made a big enough Yorkshire puddings.
JANE SAYS: Unless you start standing up for yourself, then your ungrateful, bullying family are going to carry on taking advantage and crushing your spirit.
Your son is your most urgent concern, he needs to understand that you’re in charge and that you demand respect. Talk to him today about boundaries and respect and tell him that there are going to be some significant changes in your home. Then speak to your father and sister-n-law in turn and make it clear that you’ve had enough.
Tell your father that he can no longer call you at any time making demands – and that you don’t to hear any more of his criticisms. Equally, if your sister-in-law can’t say something nice, then perhaps she shouldn’t say anything at all. Let your father scream all he likes but remember that he needs you more than you need him.
The reality is that they WILL all respect you if you put your foot down hard enough.
Get ahead
My girlfriend and I love to eat, but we hate cooking or shopping for food. As a result, most of our biggest rows are about dinner. Because I get in from work first, she expects me to put grub on the table.
Most nights she storms in ‘starving’; expecting something delicious and different. If I haven’t got something decent for her, she goes crazy. I hate this. I don’t like conflict and the pressure is getting to me.
JANE SAYS: You and your girlfriend need to get organised and get a system going. If you don’t like supermarket shopping, then organise to have a weekly delivery. Either that or buy in bulk and freeze.
Sit down together, work up an easy 7-day meal plan and take the sweat out of food prep by batch cooking.
Ultimately, if you and she are to live together successfully, you both need to see this problem as a challenge and get over it.