If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Sex toy up my nose
My partner is no longer interested in me and I fear he’s cheating. He doesn’t care about my work, my family or how I’m doing. Any time I try and engage him in conversation I can tell that he’s not even listening.
The other day I was upset about a horrible day at the office and asked for a chat. He audibly groaned and said: “Do we have to?”
I couldn’t help it; I burst into tears. But as I was in the bathroom. washing my tear-stained face, he was on his phone laughing his head off with a female caller.
I demanded to hear what they were talking about and he batted me away. He was flirting! He was giggling and whispering, and I’m convinced that the caller was the person he’s having an affair with. Someone he works with.
I lost it and stormed out. Now we’re hardly talking and I could cut the atmosphere with a knife.
When we first got together (six years ago) he hung on my every word and bought me a new gift every week. Now I could run around the house butt naked with a sex toy up my nose and he wouldn’t look twice.
We have sex a couple of times a week, which is ok. But it’s not as passionate and exciting as it used to be and I always get the feeling his mind is elsewhere. The other night I’m convinced he said someone else’s name at the point of orgasm…
There’s no denying that he’s spending a lot more time at work and coming home later.
He’s even started working at weekends too, despite the fact he’s in finance and I didn’t even realise his office opened on Saturdays and Sundays. I suspect he’s with HER, whoever she is.
In many ways I’m too scared to ask where he really is in case, I open a can of worms and my whole life comes crashing down on top of me. Help.
JANE SAYS: You can’t continue to bury your head in the sand.
It’s vital that you get your guy on his own at a time when he’s approachable and calm.
You must insist that his phone is switched off and that you can talk freely about all the things that are confusing and upsetting you.
Be careful not to openly criticise him directly. Instead, mention that he seems distracted and distant. Ask him if he’s got something on his mind that he’d like to share with you. How is work? How is his general health? In other words, give him every opportunity to unburden himself. However, if he’s not willing to talk, then he needs to hear from you how lonely and unsatisfied you are. Is there another woman? Is he hiding a sexual affair from you? You need to know.
Is there a chance that you could start doing some things together? Can you arrange to share a meal, enjoy each other’s company and reconnect all over again?
Remind him of how things used to be and make it clear that you still have plenty of life and passion in you yet. However, if he absolutely refuses to meet you halfway, then, maybe, you’ll be forced to turn detective and find out for yourself who this mystery woman is who is capable of making him laugh so loud, while you cry your eyes out…
Grubby antics
Recently, on a long car journey, my 15-year-old daughter let it slip that she is intimidated by her friends.
All the boys she likes, expect to see naked texts from girls before they’ll even talk to them. She also confessed that several of her friends have given boys oral sex, before they’ve even kissed them.
The idea of her sending graphic shots of herself, or being forced, by peer pressure to pleasure a stranger shocks and sickens me.
I’m desperate to keep the trust going and for her to keep confiding in me, so what on earth do I do next?
JANE SAYS: Tell your daughter that she can talk to you at any time, about anything. You must aim to keep her close so that she knows she’s not alone in this world.
It’s vital that you encourage her to have respect for herself. Be consistent, loving and firm in emphasising that the behaviour she’s describing is not desirable or compulsory. Suggest she deletes any undesirables (girls or boys) from her phone – and talk about pornography, sexting and her body so that there is no ambiguity.
Do you have any female friends or relatives within your circle who could also mentor and support your girl? Could she also be distracted or pointed in a new direction with a new hobby or volunteering?
Gift horse
I can’t get my divorced partner’s teenagers to like me. No matter what I buy them – computer games, designer gear and gadgets – they’re still disrespectful and rude.
They stay with us every other weekend. The other day I politely asked the girl to help me get the food ready for a dinner and she called me a disgusting name.
She accused me of being sexist for daring to suggest a girl should become involved in ‘domestic duties’. I begged her to calm down, and she stormed that I’m a freak and the worst woman in the world.
JANE SAYS: Why is there no mention of your partner in all of this?
He’s got to get involved and tell his children that this kind of behavour is unacceptable. Divorce is never easy on children of any age, and the chances are that your stepchildren are still very angry and confused after the break of their parent’s marriage. But that doesn’t give them the right to belittle you. You need to get an assurance from your partner that there are going to be changes. Would his children benefit family mediation? He needs to be proactive. Ultimately, you need to put your mental and physical wellbeing first and consider your position.
Over and out
How do I forgive my wife’s affair with a neighbour?
I’m finding it hard to move on. I swing from positive to negative feelings. She insists that it’s over.
I want things to work out for us but must wonder why she strayed and if there is anything left worth saving.
JANE SAYS: Keep talking to your wife. Find out what tempted her to cheat in the first place and look at how you could start afresh. If you both feel you would benefit from professional help, then check out the Relate website (relate.org.uk), which has a thread on common problems, including getting over an affair. You and she both need to remember that your relationship is unique and you have to work out what is best for you.