JEREMY CROSS COLUMN Neil Squires used to travel the world reporting on the biggest sporting events – then found himself in one himself thanks to hilarious pub conversation
If you thought Cristiano Ronaldo was sticking two fingers up to ‘Father Time’, albeit wonkily, think again. Because the footballing icon is like a spring chicken compared to the ‘Molkky Bar Kids’.
And if you haven’t heard of them, shame on you. This quartet of middle-aged men have represented Great Britain, no less. Pulled on that iconic, if ill-fitting, uniform us mere mortals only get to see on television.
Being worn with such distinction by some of the greatest athletes of all time. The Molkky Bar Kids have competed at a World Championships. Putting their heart, soul, ageing limbs and unheralded reputations on the line in search of sporting immortality.
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Welcome to the bizarre world of Finnish skittles. The outcome of the fab four’s endeavours in Japan cannot be revealed.
But those intrigued enough to find out what happened, should do so by reading the hilariously self-deprecating story of mishap, adventure, comedy and a lifelong ambition fulfilled, in a book entitled ‘The Rise & Fall Of The Molkky Bar Kids’.
The book is released later this week, and has been written by highly-respected sports journalist Neil Squires. Squires spent almost two decades travelling the globe covering the biggest sporting events known to man on behalf of a national newspaper.
Then, at the ripe old age of 56, he decided to break the golden rule and become the story himself. He just didn’t realise at the time he would be. The book’s blurb sums up a wonderfully unique and surreal scenario in equal measure.
Too old to lift a World Cup (Ronaldo take note), too burned out for the Ashes and with too many aches and pains to take on Augusta, Squires and his Team GB colleagues finally find their true calling in sport, following a lifetime of trying.
From a conversation in a pub, to travelling halfway around the world to find themselves media celebrities. You couldn’t make it up.
Even though it sounds like it has been, due to the bonkers nature of a genuinely remarkable tale. The Molkky Bar Kids are not finished (if you’ll pardon the pun?)
The awesome and fearless foursome, who also competed in the European indoor championships, will embark on their greatest challenge of all in August.
Another World Championships in Helsinki. The back yard of the founding nation of Malkky. The kings of knocking over thin pieces of wood, no less.
But aside from all the mayhem, madness and mesmerising magic of Malkky, can be found a life lesson much more meaningful. One of what it can still give back to you, despite age suggesting something different.
How friendships and bonds have that priceless capacity to grow even stronger in later life. How sport remains the supreme vehicle when it comes to making dreams come true.
However mad those dreams might turn out to be. And above everything else, how being able to laugh at yourself, like Squires does from start to finish, remains a truly endearing human quality.
Because if you can’t do this sometimes, what’s the point. Squires said: “I guess what we all learned was that you really are never too old to chase a dream.
“The medals don’t matter. But the moments are priceless. If we can do something like this, anyone can.
“Next time you reach a crossroads in life, at least consider the road signposted ‘Ridiculous Adventure’. Take it from me, you won’t regret it.”
Ben Stokes has made the right decision to retire. He has taken the England Test team as far as he can. And it’s time to find a new captain, talisman and inspiration.
The fact those running the ECB – along with head coach Brendon McCullum – have somehow outlasted him is mind blowing, it has to be said.
While his goodbye during a game was self indulgent nonsense. But we can forgive him, I guess, because Stokes has been one of the true all-time greats.
A genuine legend of his sport. A cricketing Superman who carried a bat and ball, instead of a cape.
It felt fitting when Stokes received a standing ovation at Trent Bridge, when news of him standing down was announced to the crowd.
And even more fitting he took a wicket with his next ball. Stokes in a nutshell. A cricketer blessed with that rare gift of being able to produce magical moments almost at will.
To be able to change games on his own.English sport has been privileged to have Stokes in it.
And while there have been some mistakes along the rollercoaster ride, these tend to go hand-in-hand with sporting geniuses like him.
He is almost irreplaceable.And the game will be a much duller place without him in it. But Stokes will leave behind a treasure trove of memories that will go down in cricketing folklore. And for this, we should always be grateful.