If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Happy endings
I’m so unlucky in love that I’m considering giving up on relationships and simply paying for sex in future.
There’s a private club/adult massage parlour close to where my brother lives. I’m tempted to take my cash there and splash out on a series of body-to-body rub downs – with all the trimmings.
My mate goes there. He says it’s a right laugh and I crave happy endings…
Does that make me sound like a tragic loser?
The truth is that I’ve had my heart broken – and my bank account raided – by so many past partners, that I’m struggling to trust anyone. Years ago, I was jilted two days before my wedding. My bride-to-be confessed (by text) that she was secretly in love with her boss and had never liked, let alone loved me. That revelation cost me £20,000 in lost meals, flowers and a honeymoon to the Maldives.
My next lover ran off with my car and the contents of my bank account after I discovered that she was a thief and compulsive liar. I was too ashamed to tell the police. Instead, I told my family that she had moved to Africa to work with elephants, only for my mother to bump into her selling bracelets on a beach in Portugal. This led to a temporary rift with my mother who had a go at me for lying.
In 2023 I finally allowed myself to love again when I met my last lover. She assured me that she was different. Like an idiot I believed her. But all she wanted was my cash. As soon as I’d given her £20,000 for an ‘emergency operation” she went back to her ex-boyfriend. Again, embarrassment and humiliation prevented me from making a fuss. Here I am facing the summer all alone. I’m bitter and sexually frustrated.
What hope is there for me?
JANE SAYS: I can’t possibly recommend you start spending your money on sex workers. I urge you to step back, calm down and just take stock. At the moment you’re not thinking straight and feelings are running high. You are hurt and (quite rightly) upset after being so badly used. Maybe you have been too trusting and not a great judge of character in the past, but nothing gave any of your ex-partners the right to treat you so shabbily.
I worry your biggest ‘crime’ has been being too kind and too generous along the way. Maybe you need to resolve to toughen up and start treating future partners like adults and not indulged children? A recurring theme in your story is your pride; you feel embarrassed and ashamed anytime anything goes wrong. Then you try and hide the truth. Why? No one is entitled to insult or bully you. Speak to the police if you’ve been ripped off and defrauded and speak to a solicitor about your lost cash. Come clean with your family about everything you’re going through and fight back. Ultimately you must start learning from your mistakes. If you have a ‘type’ then change it. If you’re always attracted to a certain kind of person, then think before you commit again. Don’t fall for sob stories and do check for red flags.
The minute cash is mentioned we should all be very wary of the person standing in front of us.
Too soon
My ex-girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago, but she already has a new boyfriend. She’s boasting to friends about how happy she is.
She can hardly know this man. Apparently, he is a colleague who only joined her firm back in March.
Surely this is not, right? I still feel very protective towards the dog we share (I have him every other week), and likewise for my ex. It suddenly feels like the five years we spent together meant nothing.
JANE SAYS: I understand that you feel rejected and numb, but you must accept that the relationship is over and let your ex go. Yes, I agree, she does seem to have found a new love rather quickly, but these things happen. Of course, you miss her and worry about the dog you share but you’ll have to trust that she and her new man show your mutt every care and kindness. If they don’t, then you’ll have to be prepared to step in and speak up.
In the meantime, vow to be the bigger person. Hold your head high and avoid looking back. It’s always confusing and hard when a long-term relationship breaks up, but what you can’t do is allow this situation to drag you down. You owe it to yourself to cry your eyes out and then come back stronger and wiser.
Slug it out
I can’t stand my wife, but the woman I do love (a neighbour) thinks I’m a slug.
The more she insults and rejects me the more I want her. We had a one-night stand in March, which she’s now claiming was the worst of her life – yet I loved it.
My wife is saying that she’ll never divorce me – out of pure spite. The other night my wife demanded sex and then grabbed my credit card. She spent £200 online to punish and annoy me. My life is all over the place.
JANE SAYS: It goes without saying that you must stop messing around with your on/off ex-girlfriend, because what you two have together is ridiculous. You’re like a couple of kids playing games. Leave her to get on with her own life and vow to get through this tricky period of your life the best you can. You say that you don’t love you wife so why are you still with her? Why are you both point scoring and winding each other up? Come clean with her about your feelings. You can’t simply stay married out of spite. She has no right to hold you hostage. I can’t believe that she is any happier than you are.
Discuss where everything is going wrong.
Jumping Jack flash
My partner has admitted that he often has phone sex with strangers while I’m a work. He works from home and gets bored. Other blokes go to the gym. Mine talks dirty to working girls – how does that work? I’m extra angry, because he only admitted the truth after I queried his habit of jumping on me the minute I get home from work.
JANE SAYS: If your partner is bored, then why don’t you suggest a new career or retraining? Also, if talking dirty to strangers has become an addiction, then he must be encouraged to see his GP too. Keep discussing this. Is he ashamed of his behaviour? Is he keen to start afresh with you? Or are there further, deeper problems within in your relationship?