If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
‘I’m so ugly’
My girlfriend believes our sex life will improve when I look hotter. At the moment she struggles to fancy me because I’m so ugly…
She is desperate for me to go under the knife. I think I’m okay looking, but she has a problem with my big nose and sticky out ears.
She’d like me to have hair implants and liposuction and a penis extension. Every week she forces me to spend a fortune on everything from manicures and tanning treatments to full-body waxes. She has a dream of turning me into something off Love Island. But it feels like I’m her project and I’m sick of being ruffled up, slagged off and put down.
She knows that I have savings and is always trying to tell me how to spend it. She picks out guys in clubs and bars and goes on about how much hornier they are than me. Recently, on holiday in Spain, she wouldn’t stop lusting over one of the barmen in our hotel. She kept saying that if I lost weight, went under the knife and sorted myself out then she’d love and desire me more.
Whenever we make love, I’m sure that she fantasises about other (fitter) fellas.
What makes me laugh is that she’s really full of herself. To listen to her you’d think she was Sydney Sweeney’s double, when in reality, loads of my friends keep telling me that I could do a lot better for myself.
What is her problem? Why is she constantly trying to shape me?
JANE SAYS: I strongly suggest that you pull your girl up short with a few home truths. Sit her down and tell her that you’ve had enough; you’re not ugly or lacking and you’re sick of her cruel jibes. Remind her that you’re fit and healthy and happy in the skin you’re in. You’ve been too tolerant of her rudeness for too long. You’ve allowed her to get away with insulting and hurting you and now she feels that she can say anything she likes.
Okay, you may not be perfect in her eyes, but no one is. What you are, however, is a decent bloke who would never dream of being rude or disrespectful towards her. Does she even love or genuinely like you? If not, then why is she still hanging out with you? Be very clear. Tell her that you’re not prepared to put up with any more of her rubbish. You are not her project.
You’re not squandering your savings or going under the knife for anyone, because your looks are not her business. If she can’t accept that – and start being kinder towards you in private and public – then the two of you have no future.
Is that what she wants? To be single again?
If so, that can easily be arranged…
I wonder if this woman will ever be happy with her lot. It sounds like she has a huge reserve of untapped energy – maybe she needs to get a worthwhile hobby?
Monster bash
My friend has finalised her divorce and is organising a big party in Turkey. She is now loaded, having rinsed her ex, and expects everyone to attend.
She’s providing the birthday feast, with wine and is organising extra boat trips and lunches, which are going to cost us a fortune. She expects us all to pay for our own flights, hotel accommodation and other meals.
She’s even come up with a fancy dress theme – ‘Models and Monsters’. This trip could cost us thousands. Her response? “Apply for another credit card”.
JANE SAYS: Gently tell your mate that you just don’t have the cash to spend. Yes, she’s been very lucky with her generous divorce settlement, but she’s being unrealistic as far as the rest of you are concerned.
She may have grand ambitions, but she must understand that this is not the economic climate in which to force folk to spend money they don’t have.
Explain that you’re happy to celebrate her divorce here – in a restaurant or pub – but a foreign trip is very much out of the question. I can’t believe that you’ll be the only person saying this. Please, whatever you do, do not go into debt for this woman or anyone else… This is a very grand scheme of your friend’s, but completely unworkable as far as you are concerned. End of.
Wrong turn
Last year I lost my way. I started a new job and got in with a heavy drinking crowd. I had a short affair with a colleague. We spend a few nights together in a local hotel. The sex was mind-blowingly amazing – we used to make love five and six times over. My whole world fell apart one morning when my girlfriend’s sister caught us checking out of the hotel. She went ballistic. Now my girlfriend and I are attempting a fresh start, only it’s not going too well. I tell her that I love her, but she never says it back. Sometimes I catch her glaring at me with sheer contempt in her eyes.
How many more apologies can I make?
JANE SAYS: Why did you sleep with that other lover in the first place?
Talk to your girl. Make it clear that you’re struggling. Explain that you no longer see that special light in her eyes and ask her what she’s really thinking. If you and she finally admit that the relationship is beyond saving, then it may just turn out to be a massive relief for both of you. You’re desperately trying to relight the fire, but I worry that it may have gone out for good…
Unwelcome news
My ex-husband cheated on me throughout the whole of our marriage with a close friend of mine. He was with her the night before our wedding, and she never married because of her obsession with him. I only know this now, because she’s got cancer and has finally spoken up. How can I ever move on from this massive betrayal?
JANE SAYS: The rest of your life is ahead of you, do you carry on feeling angry – or do you force yourself to let it go and get your ‘revenge’ by living each new day to the full? You will never know what was going through your late ex-husband’s mind, so focus on the good.
As for your sick friend, wish her well and mentally release yourself from the pair of them.