EXCLUSIVE: The Daily Star columnist says he is the best choice for Clacton and he will eating, as bookies slash odds on the comedy candidate winning the upcoming by-election
Count Binface has boasted he’s got one stellar advantage over Nigel Farage – that he isn’t Nigel Farage.
The intergalactic joker unveiled his unique selling point after confirming he’ll stand in the Clacton by-election if he secures the 10 local nominations needed to get on the ballot paper. He said voters should back him for one simple reason: “I’m not Nigel Farage.”
The cosmic comic cut short his space wandering after Farage “threw his toys out of the pram” by triggering the contest, adding: “I caught wind of what was going on yesterday, so I did a quick old U-turn, a bit like Keir Starmer.”
Binface said his manifesto would still include his trademark pledges to build “at least one affordable house”, nationalise Adele, bring back Ceefax, make water bosses take a dip in Britain’s polluted rivers and price-cap 99 Flakes at 99p.
He also claimed voting for him could save taxpayers £380,000 by avoiding the cost of a second by-election if Farage wins before the parliamentary standards process is concluded.
Asked if he could beat the Reform UK leader, Binface replied: “Probably not.”
Farage announced he will resign as Clacton MP before immediately seeking re-election. He called it a battle between “the people versus the establishment” as he faces scrutiny over gifts and support he has received.
Labour, the Conservatives, the Liberal Democrats and the Greens have all ruled out standing. Chancellor Rachel Reeves said she would not block Farage’s resignation, adding: “If he wants to spend the summer arguing with a bin, I won’t stop him.”
Independent MP Jeremy Corbyn also piled in, branding Farage “the epitome of the establishment” and declaring: “Clacton deserves better.”
Binface’s meteoric rise in the betting has seen Coral slash his odds from 50/1 to 5/1 after a flood of support. Coral spokesman John Hill said: “Count Binface has been the biggest mover in Clacton – and it’s not just a load of rubbish.”
In an exclusive interview, the Daily Star Columnist answers the pressing questions of the day….
What would you do with a £5 million gift? Free ice creams for Clacton constituents perhaps?
I hear Ferraris are nice. And I’d love to get my hands on a first edition Lovejoy VHS box set.
Did any intergalactic benefactors pay for your outfit?
Outfit? How very dare you? I’m a Recyclon. Who paid for your skin? Ludicrous question.
In Makerfield you promised to cap the price of Wigan kebabs at £2, what Clacton delicacies will you be focusing on in your manifesto?
Reform UK candidates – I eat them for breakfast.
Would you like a televised debate against Farage? Who would win?
A tete-a-bin? I wouldn’t say no. As for who would win, I’ll leave that to your fine readers to decide. (Spoiler alert: me.)
Can you have a word with Donald Trump to fix it for England to win the World Cup?
Who says England need help from the Fanta Fuhrer? They already have Harry, Jude, and the lustrous locks of Anthony Gordon. Although I do play right-back if they’re desperate.
The bookies have you at 5/1 to win in Clacton – the same odds as England to win the World Cup. Will you be coming “home to Clacton”? They think it’s all over for Farage…
Interesting. Does this imply that Lionel Messi and Kylian Mbappé are more likely to win Clacton than either me or Farage? It’s not too late for them to enter. I’ll take them all on!