If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Queasy does it
My new girlfriend scares me in the bedroom.
She’s a sassy woman who knows what she wants.
She storms into my flat wearing black suspenders; stockings and high heels and I feel intimidated.
The other day she turned up for a date wearing a flimsy dress and high heels. We sat down to eat, and she whispered that she had nothing on underneath.
She growled that she was looking forward to passion and multiple orgasms. I flopped under the pressure and told her that I had a headache. She likes to watch porn, which I’m find about , but her tastes are too extreme for me. I want to join her in viewing smut but quickly feel queasy.
She needs me to rise to the challenge and be exciting. But I’ve always been self-conscious embarrassed by role-playing. How do I stop her losing faith in me?
JANE SAYS: Is being scared in the bedroom conducive to a successful and happy relationship? If you recoil every time your girlfriend comes near you, then maybe you must accept that you’re out of your depth.
Every time she stamps her leather, thigh-length boot and demands kinky sex, you freeze. Every time you fail to maintain an erection, sex flies off the menu for both of you. You may kid yourself that she’s amazing, but you’re not evenly matched.
Start accepting that your girl is too different to you. Concentrate on finding someone who is on your level and who can hold your own with…
Bad start
My girlfriend’s parents were useless.
They took drugs and drank too much.
My angry girl believes she was cheated out of a decent childhood. She lived with a variety of family members and friends and went to numerous schools.
She thinks her father should give her money and apologise for ‘ruining’ her life – only he doesn’t take her seriously. Any time they speak, they clash.
I’m the one dealing with the fall out and I’m finding it harder to cope with her fury and frustration. What is my/our next move?
JANE SAYS: Your girl is clearly hurting and feels that someone needs to pay for the pain she was put through as a child, but none of us can turn the clock back. If her father isn’t prepared to say ‘sorry’, give her cash or accept any responsibility, then she must draw in the sand and move on.
Why don’t you suggest that she talks to her GP about counselling?
Tell her that you’re prepared to support her. Suggest that you take on some life affirming challenges together, but also make a point of highlighting all the good things in her life today: Her health, her home, her friends – and you…
Your mental health is important too.