Lucy Davenport suffers from PTSD after watching her husband’s horrific death while in palliative care and says she is ‘gutted’ with the new Prime Minister’s stance on assisted dying
A grieving wife has sent a message to the Prime Minister to say her husband had “amazing palliative care” but he still suffered a “horror film death”.
Lucy Davenport, 43, from Scarborough spoke to the Mirror after being left “gutted” the PM suggested the assisted dying bill should come after palliative care improvements. She told the Mirror how her “unfailingly kind” musician husband Tom Davenport, 48, had ‘gold standard’ palliative care and died in agony of terminal bile duct cancer in a hospice in 2023.
“My husband had all of the medications that they could give him under guidance and it wasn’t enough. His death was like a horror film, it was horrific. I think it is up there for one of the worst deaths you can have.”
She was reacting to Andy Burnham’s comments that palliative care needing to come ahead of the assisted dying bill. More than a decade ago the PM abstained from a vote on another bill to legalise assisted dying but changed his mind in 2024.
He said his view had changed after his father Roy was in a care home with dementia. He said then: “I think we do allow people to suffer and families to suffer too much.”
But now the PM has suggested the bill should wait for palliative care to be sorted out first.
Lucy said: “It’s really triggering because I’m really pleased his dad had great care, but that isn’t the case for so many people in this country.
“My husband had no other option other than to die in horrific circumstances, and he would be horrified that I’m living in this trauma now and have PTSD from watching his death. And it’s not just me, his two sisters, the nurses, they were all in floods of tears.
“I’m really gutted because I’m a true socialist and I really like him. I’m pleased he doesn’t have to live through the trauma I have but along with palliative care we need real choice. The two things go hand in hand.”
Lucy, who has son Joss, aged 11, with Tom, told how her “soul mate” was diagnosed with terminal bile duct cancer in 2022 and died a year later.
“It is incredibly aggressive and incredibly rare. But we had a really good year. We got married two months before he died. He was so brave that day and refused to sit down as the registrar married us.
“We took our son to Disney and he had a living wake, which was amazing. He even got to meet the band Kiss.
“We had been talking about what the end would look like and I had discussed helping him if it came to it but we decided that would not be happening because the last thing our child would need is me being arrested.
“And as we are a working class family from North Yorkshire and don’t have £15,000; Dignitas was not an option. He had amazing palliative care in a wonderful hospice. But he ended up on three syringe drivers and maxing out all the drugs. He was more than 6ft tall and was a really big fella with a really strong heart. But he died from faecal vomiting.
“Before that happened Tom had said ‘can you just end it, please?’. And the doctor told him ‘not unless you grow two legs and tail’.
“His death when it came was horrific and there was absolutely nothing anybody could do. Obviously the staff could not go over on the drugs he was given.
“He is not alone in this scenario, 20 people a day die in the UK with uncontrollable symptoms or pain.“
About her husband she said: “He had a wicked sense of humour and he loved a good debate. He was all for assisted dying. Like many people in the UK he thought it was bonkers we have not got it as a choice yet.”
Her comments were echoed by fellow campaigners for assisted dying including widow Louise Shackleton who travelled to Dignitas with her husband.
Louise, 59, handed herself in to police on her return from a Dignitas clinic after the death of her husband, who suffered from Motor Neurone Disease. It took a year for her to find out she would not be prosecuted.
She told The Mirror: “Mr Burnham seems to have left the dying out of his plans yet again. What about those like my husband Antony?” She said he was facing a death “left in a body like a living corpse, rotting”.
“To not be able to move, to communicate, to be pulled around by carers to toilet him whilst his bones break. To choke to death or suffocate whilst his children watched. No Palliative care could help him,” she pointed out.
In a direct message to the PM, she said: “What about them, Andy? I’m glad we could afford the expense of Switzerland where he died with love, peace and calm, not panic, not fear, not being shipped off in an Ambulance to take his final breaths.
“Look at the fact then look me in the eye and tell me that any person deserves that Andy. Look 75% of the public in the eye and tell them you will deny them choice at the end of their life.”
Josh Cook, who has been diagnosed with Huntington’s disease, plans to take his own life regardless of whether an assisted dying bill passes.
The painter and decorator from Huddersfield, said his mother, her brother, his uncle, grandma, great grandma, great great grandma and great great grandad, all died from the disease.
The 35-year-old former semi-professional rugby player said: “Why are we back to hiding behind palliative care when it was made clear last time that we need this option for when palliative care options are no longer valid…
“We are yet again forgetting that quality of life is worth more than quantity. Choices being added is not taking any choices away. Why are we so afraid to give agency and choice to a small section of society that truly need it.”
Anil Douglas, 37, from London, told how his dad Ian took his own life days before his 60th birthday in February 2019. He was in the terminal stage of multiple sclerosis.
He tried to kill himself twice before eventually taking an overdose of opioids from the dark web. In his final note his dad wrote: “I have lived with MS for over 30 years and am now reduced to a bare minimum of physical function.
“I would like to have to put on record that had we had more sympathetic assisted-dying laws in this country, in all probability I would still be alive today.”
Anil said he was “disappointed” with the PM”s comments: “It is not an either or debate. All my fellow campaigners fully support palliative care.
“We are talking about those people where palliative care doesn’t cut it. One of the most frustrating things about Burnham’s comment is that he is not taking into consideration the people who this law is for, terminally ill people with six months or less to live.” He says if the assisted law had been in place he would have had more time with his dad.
“I think it would have been at least one or two years with my dad. The bad death of a loved one scars you for the rest of your life. He had a terrible death. It was lonely and dangerous. The ripple effects on the family are devastating, It was awful.”
He said his dad’s death was ”lonely and dangerous behind closed doors” after he misjudged doses on his previous attempts. “Palliative care couldn’t keep the neurological pain away.”