If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Risky business
I’ve been having a sizzling affair with a cheeky colleague for over two years.
We work in the same department and nip off for quickies in the disabled toilets whenever we can.
She’s very edgy and likes risky encounters in car parks and empty offices too. Once we bonked behind the counter in the canteen after hours, which was hilarious. My problem is that our firm are currently offering a generous voluntary redundancy deal that my wife is pushing me to take. If I do, then it’ll be the end of my affair, which breaks my heart.
My lover is almost hysterical with worry. She says she can’t imagine her working day without me in it. She insists I must cling on to my job no matter what, but I’m being torn in two directions and don’t know what to do for the best.
Our firm is amalgamating with our chief rival. The board are offering fantastic redundancy packages to anyone who is interested.
I’m happy where I am, working in an office, but my wife wants me to get the cash and then start grafting with her brother who runs a successful gardening business.
I can’t think of anything worse. Working with outside, with her knob-head of a brother all day? I’d go crazy.
My lover’s not taking the redundo and I’m terrified that she’ll simply move on to another guy if I go.
She storms that I shouldn’t let my wife push me around. She says that I should stick up for myself. But she doesn’t know my wife like I do.
She’ll make my life a living hell if I don’t do as she says.
My perfect life is about to fall apart.
JANE SAYS: For over two years you’ve been cheating on your wife with a risk-taking, thrill-seeking colleague.
You and she have crept around having sex in all sorts of greasy, grubby places.
But you know, as well as I do, that what you’re doing is wrong. You’re a married man. You’re already spoken for. Maybe your wife is overly keen to get her hands on this unexpected payout, but you’re not exactly perfect yourself.
The game is up and the crazy times are almost over. Try talking honestly to your wife for a change. Only you can decide if taking the redundancy money is the right thing for you to do – for your marriage, your professional career and your mental health.
But, whatever happens, the silly affair must end.
Of course, you’ve then got to decide whether to tell your wife the absolute truth about your behaviour in order to wipe the slate clean and start again. My worry is that you and she have stopped communicating and are in very different places.
If she thinks you’d make a good gardener, then does she even know you at all?
If you’ve been cheating for over two years, then what does that say about your commitment to this marriage and your level of respect towards your wife?
Time for a good, long think about your whole future?
I think so.
Bunch of users
My husband and I are surrounded by takers. Our parents and children (24 and 25) suck up all our money, time and energy. We even have friends who tap us up for loans and favours.
My husband is bombarded with requests for DIY jobs, cash and car maintenance while I’m cooking, cleaning and acting as a one-woman-mental health service for virtually everyone we know. The other day I had my sister on the phone for TWO hours complaining about her cheating on/off boyfriend. I urged her to leave him. The next night she was back in his bed!
We feel completely overwhelmed.
JANE SAYS: Older and younger family members often need extra support. Whether it’s financial or practical help – it tends to fall to the “Active Middles’ like yourselves, to pick up the slack.
As with all things, you and your husband must remember that you have your limits and can only do so much. Surely your twenty something ‘kids’ can start taking more responsibility for themselves?
If anything happened to you or your husband, then everyone would be forced to get on with it. Don’t be tempted to do too much because it won’t be appreciated.
Obviously, you now need to get tough with people like your sister. She cannot be allowed to dominate your time or exhaust (and bore) you again.
Location location location
A year ago, my partner sold our car and gave away our guinea pigs without telling me.
Now he’s announced that we’re moving house.
He’s instructed me to start packing up while he sorts out somewhere new. I love my house and this area and don’t wish to relocate and start again.
Every time I ask for a proper explanation, he mutters that he’s bored and ready for a fresh challenge. What can I do when he’s a bit of a control freak?
JANE SAYS: You can’t allow your partner to walk all over you. Tell him that you want a proper answer and he if won’t give it to you, then you’ll start sniffing around and get it for yourself. He must understand that you love your home; you’ve put a lot of work into it and you’re settled in your area. You’re in an equal, modern relationship and you’re entitled to your say. Ultimately, you have a mind and a voice, and you must decide whether this relationship is a healthy one; one that makes you happy. Words like ‘control freak’ don’t suggest a very happy home to me. Maybe this is the perfect time for you two to go your separate ways?
Pleasure denied
My boyfriend doesn’t care about my sexual satisfaction. No matter how many times I beg for oral sex, he denies me that pleasure.
A few weeks ago, I sat him down and told him exactly what I need in the bedroom, but he still hasn’t changed how he treats me. If anything, he’s become even more selfish and I hate that.
JANE SAYS: Unfortunately, some people are stubborn and arrogant and can’t be told anything.
Explain that oral sex, full body massages and screaming orgasms are vitally important to you. Is there a reason why he’s been holding back? If he’s getting everything he needs from you, then shouldn’t your pleasure be his priority? Sadly, if he still doesn’t get it, then he’ll have to be shown the door. Sounds like he’s playing games.