If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Gruesome twosome
I’m very disappointed in my new girlfriend.
She’s just moved in with me. But she looks nothing like the photo she sent me, and we have nothing in common. She doesn’t like sex, hates my food and disagrees with me on everything from politics and religion to sport. We met online a year ago. At first, we simply chatted. She told me that she was shy and I respected that. Finally, after much begging, she agreed to send me a headshot of herself. She looked gorgeous and I fell in love with her beautiful hair and deep, penetrating eyes. Naturally I then asked for a full-body photo – maybe something in a bikini or even topless – only she said that she wasn’t up for that.
I sent her a large sum of money for her fare and now she’s in my bed.
But I don’t believe that she is the person in the photo. Far from being fresh-faced and innocent, she’s much older than I expected and isn’t physically fit.
To make things even more complicated, her sister has turned up out of the blue and is living with us too. The pair of them are always on at me for money and want to know when I’m going to pay for a big wedding.
I fear I’ve been duped. On top of everything else, sex with her isn’t much cop either. She doesn’t want to do anything exciting and calls me a ‘pervert’ whenever I suggest oral sex or even a threesome.
The other day she asked me to give her £750 to send to their grandma who needs an urgent operation.
When I said ‘no’ they both turned on me with flurry of insults. We’ve not had any sex since. I feel trapped and so ashamed. How could I have been so stupid?
JANE SAYS: If the woman living in your house is not someone you like nor respect, then she must be told to leave.
Tell her today that this current arrangement isn’t working out; you don’t believe that she is the woman in the picture and you resent supporting her sister when things are moving way too fast for your liking.
Clearly, she is a very forceful individual with a strong personality, but you can’t go ahead with a new life if you don’t know or love her.
I suspect your girlfriend deliberately sent a glamorous picture to hook and seduce you.
Whether it was one of her taken years ago, or simply the image of someone else she found on-line, the fact is that she set out to trick you.
Now you’ve got to stand your ground before she totally engulfs you. Make it clear that you won’t be intimidated or bullied, because you will go to the police and set the appropriate wheels in motion. It could be that you’ll have to give her some money for her (and her sister’s) fare back home, but it sounds like it would be worth the investment. Please stop beating yourself up but do learn from this. Unfortunately, I get the impression that this wily pair preyed on you because you’re trusting and looking for love and company. Sadly, there are grifters all around us. I know you feel embarrassed and bruised but you must speak up and end this farce right now.
Head banger
Does my partner have a secret life away from me?
I can never contact him once he leaves my flat.
He never replies to texts or answers calls.
How do I make him realise how insulting this is? Several times I’ve accused him of having other women. But he sniffs is that I’m crazy and need to get my head tested. What am I supposed to do if there is an emergency?
JANE SAYS: Can you really be bothered with this situation? Isn’t life too short to sit around waiting for someone else to condescend to contact you? I suggest you cultivate new friends and start making your own plans – then see if your elusive partner fits in with your lifestyle. You may just find that you’re clinging onto something that lost its spark a long time ago. If your chap simply can’t be bothered to answer any message you send him, no matter how important or trivial, then maybe you must accept that you’re way down on his list of priorities. I’m by no means suggesting he should be on the phone to you all day long – especially if he’s got a job to do – but, as with all things, there must be an element of balance. If he really does have another woman, then let him go and live with her in future.
Never enough
My daughter-in-law never stops moaning about how tough her life is. Her flat is too small, and her children don’t have the latest gear. She’s angry that my son doesn’t earn more. I frequently babysit for her and give her cash but it’s never enough.
I had a terribly hard early life.
She doesn’t know she’s born. Especially as she manages two foreign holidays a year.
I’m too frightened to speak out in case I’m stopped from seeing the grandchildren.
JANE SAYS: I know it’s tough, but I think you’re right to hold your tongue. Clearly you love your son and your grandchildren, but your daughter-in-law is a trial. I suggest you let her rant all she likes and resolve to turn a deaf ear. The problem is that if you do row with her, then your son will feel obliged to take her side. You might say some things that cut her to the core – and not be able to come back from that. Concentrate on giving your grandchildren all the love and support you can because they’ll be grown up soon.
It could be that your daughter-in-law is one of those people who will never be happy as long as they’ve got a nose on their face.
Horrible sex
I should never have gone on a date with my co-worker. He forgot his phone and I paid for dinner and a cab back to mine. Then we had horrible sex.
The next day he attempted to pay me back with a tenner on top and made me feel like a hooker. I exploded, Now he’s telling everyone that I’m terrible in bed. How do I survive this?
JANE SAYS: Work based relationships can end up a mess. You don’t deserve to be treated like this by anyone. No one has the right to bad-mouth you. Is having a quiet, private word with your colleague an option? If it’s not, then you must talk to your boss or HR about being moved to another desk or department because you’re being upset and distracted.