If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Extremely explicit
My new partner is a sex worker. I don’t know how I feel about that. My best mate introduced us back in March. She thought we’d be a good match. I thought she said he was a male model. It turns out he’s an escort plus…
He’s very open about his occupation. As well as servicing rich, paying clients he also makes X-rated films. Some of his material is extremely explicit. He specialises in group sex with a mixture of men and women from all over the globe.
Yet he insists his work has nothing to do with his heart. He swears that he’s devoted to me; has regular health checks and considers his profession an art form. He wants us to move in together because he craves a normal life away from the hotel rooms and the cameras. What do you think?
Could a relationship with him ever work?
I was utterly stunned the night I found out the truth about his career. We were out for dinner, and I was asking about the world of modelling. He said: “You do know what else I do, don’t you?” With that he revealed all. He openly explained that he has sex on camera to pay the bills.
He considers himself an artist and it’s all a means to an end. Now I’m all over the place.
Can an individual really separate out sex work and normal life to that extent? The problem is that I fancy him so much. He’s adorable and our sex life is unbelievably hot.
He manages to make everything sound so reasonable. Is it wrong of me to condemn him when other people – all over the world – do a lot worse things in life?
JANE SAYS: Being a porn star doesn’t make your guy a bad person, but of all the fellas in the world is he really the only one for you? You say that he has regular health checks, but does he practice safe sex i.e. with a condom every single time he makes a film or visits a client? If he doesn’t – just once – then you will be in immediate danger.
My first concern is for your sexual health.
Also, there’s the matter of your emotional well being and, possibly, feelings of insecurity in future. Can you tell me that you’ll be able to get on with your daily work and sleep soundly at night knowing that he’s with a client?
I understand that he appears a nice guy who seems desperate to be loved, but do you really want to date someone with such a complicated lifestyle?
I’m sure that he is very good looking and charming, but he is working in a very murky world.
Would you have taken him on if you’d known the truth from the start? Your problem is that you’ve grown to know him and now you’re feeling an emotional attachment. Is he willing to give up this work for you?
You’ve got to consider all the wider issues here and not allow yourself to be sucked into something you can’t handle. Please visit your GP before you sleep with him again.
Misery guts
My partner’s negativity is really beginning to get to me. She always has to see the bad in everything – and everyone. She’s definitely become more downbeat in recent times.
We’ve been together for four years and everything from her work and family to her finances are “a nightmare”. I sometimes wonder if she gets a kick out of being the bearer of bad news. Being around her is increasingly depressing and I don’t know how to change her. Any suggestions?
JANE SAYS: You have to consider and protect your own mental health. If your partner is guilty of bringing you down on an almost daily basis, then you have to question the quality of this relationship. Tell her today that you cannot continue under this cloud.
Does she ever stop and listen to herself? Does she need to get treatment from her GP?
Is she depressed? Be frank and let her know this is a relationship breaker. I suspect she needs a lot more support and help that you realise.