A dating expert told the Daily Star if they were waiting for ages for a text back from a lover, the best method is to be upfront about it, rather than adopting a ‘whatever will be, will be’ attitude
An expert has debunked some viral dating advice, preaching “clear communication” over a cliche ‘romcom’ method.
TikTok and Instagram romance experts are doling out tips including: “If they wanted to, they would.” This essentially asserts that genuine interest and desire from a partner always translate into clear, proactive effort.
This advice has split the internet, with some people praising it as a useful reminder not to chase people who repeatedly fail to show up. Others however warned the rule strips away the complexity behind human behaviour.
Basically – the viral philosophy argues if you’re not getting a text back from your potential beau, then probably best to forget about it, because…if they wanted to see you, they would.
Speaking to Daily Star, PURE dating expert Avril Louise Clark e said “having real, honest conversations” is preferable to the sort of “limbo” that the viral trend places a relationship into.
“If they wanted to, they would” feels like such a callback, especially in this nostalgia era we’re in,” said Avril, who has a background in sexology. “It’s basically a modern echo of the classic romcom, He’s Just Not That Into You .
“At its core, it’s really about personal responsibility! The responsibility we all have to communicate our desires, our interests, what actually turns us on, rather than waiting for someone to read our minds or hoping ambiguity will resolve itself.
“Used that way, it’s genuinely useful: it’s a reminder that finding and connecting with people who share your interests and values matters more than we sometimes give it credit for, and it’s something we should pay far more attention to.”
She added: “When you can be honest about your relationship dynamics from the start and connect with people who share those same interests, you’re far less likely to end up in that “if they wanted to, they would” limbo in the first place, because you’ve already filtered for people who do want the same things you do.”
“If someone repeatedly fails to show up, the best course of action is having real, honest conversations, something we talk about often.
“It comes back to showing up as your authentic self, connecting with people who share similar interests and desires, and being willing to educate each other on how to actually communicate effectively. That’s the real work, not the phrase itself, but what it points you toward doing.”