If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
She wants blood
My angry wife is pushing for a divorce. My whole world is caving in on me. She’s kicked me out and I’m staying at my parents’ house. It’s horrible being back in my old bedroom.
The problem is that my wife recently found out about a sex-based fling I’ve been having with a colleague from my old job.
My wife storms that I’ve humiliated her. To complicate things further. My lover wants me to move in with her, because she thinks I’m free, but I’m not. I don’t love this woman and just want my old life back. My wife and I may not have the perfect marriage, but we’ve been together many years.
She is so angry with me for ‘betraying’ her that she wants my blood. She’s already seen a solicitor and has emailed the whole family to announce that we’re no longer together.
I know I’ve screwed up, but surely, I’m entitled to a second chance?
JANE SAYS: You can’t be upset with your wife for pushing ahead with a divorce while you’re still seeing your girlfriend.
If you’re serious about saving your marriage, you must explain to your girlfriend that your affair is over.
Some people might accuse you of trying to keep your options open. But life isn’t like that. You can’t have both women in your life, because your wife isn’t willing to put up with that, and you can’t keep your lover dangling on a string.
Yes, your wife is trying to force your hand by threatening divorce. But this is crunch time.
You must decide who you want to be with. I suspect that your wife is a strong, capable woman who simply isn’t prepared to put up with any more of your rubbish.
Ask for her for a grown up meeting on neutral ground? Apologise; throw yourself at her mercy and ask for that fresh start. However, if she’s absolutely determined to reclaim her life as a single woman, then you will need to learn from this and not play silly games again in future.
Cheeky beggars
I’m sick of my new partner’s work mates hanging out in my house. On any given day I find a couple of blokes sitting around my kitchen table and a few more zoned out in front of the TV.
I’m endlessly making mugs of tea and bacon sandwiches. I accept that the local bloke they work for is a nightmare and they’d rather take their breaks here, but I’ve had enough of the disruption and the mess. I work in the spare room and find the whole business distracting and annoying.
Yet my partner thinks it’s mean of me to complain when all anyone is trying to do is get by and make a living in the most comfortable way possible. But how is it my problem to provide a works’ canteen and general flophouse?
JANE SAYS: You are in a new relationship and, I suspect, are keen to support your partner. But you can’t allow anyone to take advantage. Talk to him today about boundaries. He must respect that fact that you also have a job to do (and a salary to earn) and can’t be up and down the stairs all day running a pop-up café. Are these workers chipping in for the tea and sandwiches? Perhaps you should get a kitty going.
Obviously certain rooms must be out of bounds and individuals must respect your space. Ultimately, it’s not your job to provide a cosy crash pad. Their employer may be a stingy nightmare, but that’s not your problem. Aren’t there other cafes and pubs they could use too? Put your foot down before this drives a wedge between you and your guy.
Strict instructions
My daughter-in-law doesn’t trust me with my grandchildren. When they come to my house, I’m not allowed to take them out – even into the garden.
My instructions are to read to them, play Lego and let them colour in their drawing books. No TV and no devices and no trips beyond the front door. I am so insulted. I brought up my son and daughter perfectly well, yet she’s treating me like a fool. How dare she?
JANE SAYS: If your daughter-in-law is worried about her children being run over or taken, then you’ll have to respect her wishes. A mother can lay down any rules she likes. Maybe, in time, when they’re older and you’ve proved that you’re completely in control, then she’ll calm down.
As for the TV and device ban; good for her. Don’t attempt to come between your son and his wife – or you’ll be the loser. How many instructions are YOU prepared to put up with?
Looking over my shoulder
My younger partner keeps hinting that I’m ‘past it’. I do everything I can think of to please her, yet I’m paranoid she’s going to start looking for someone younger.
What if she’s already on the look out for a younger stud? What if she’s already cheated?
I’m also scared about the future, as I don’t have a proper pension and I’m worried about the possibility of contracting a terrible disease, like cancer. Loads of my friends have already had heart attacks and prostate cancer – what if it’s my turn next? The other night she made a light-hearted remark about my big belly and double chin and I flipped out.
JANE SAYS: You need to start living in the moment. Fretting about the future serves no purpose at all. We all get old and you need to remember that every day counts. Maybe you will be unfortunate enough to contract an illness or suffer financial hardship but that’s life.
Make a list of everything that needs to be done from your pension to your health and get it all sorted. What you can’t do is sit and worry about the ‘what if’s’ because that’s guaranteed to turn your partner off. If you feel that you need support from your GP, then make an appointment. But there’s also a lot to be said for eating well and getting fit.
Make more an effort with your girlfriend so that she never even thinks about looking at anyone else.