‘Argentina stars who cannot converse English are pathetic – study the lingo or get out’

BRENT A GOB: This week, Harry Brent’s going after Enzo Fernandez and the other Argentinian Premier League stars who refuse to speak English, and Mike Dean for being a silly sausage

I’m fed up with Argentinians coming to the Premier League and refusing to learn English. Like a bunch of sunburned Brits demanding pie and chips in a Benidorm tapas bar – it’s disrespectful and lazy.

Manchester City’s British transfer record-equalling summer signing Enzo Fernandez, for example, has been in the UK for nearly four years – yet his grasp of the English language is about as solid as Cole Palmer’s grasp of quantum physics.

Last week, he dropped a welcome video to City fans entirely in Spanish. That is proper amateur stuff – I’m talking Lee-Dixon-on-commentary levels of amateur stuff.

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This is nothing new, of course. Argie footballers have a long and tedious history of treating English language lessons with the same enthusiasm Roy Keane treats half-and-half scarves.

Carlos Tevez and Sergio Aguero both spent more time in England than Ben White does on a tanning bed – but between them, they had a smaller vocabulary than a parrot in a pet shop.

Tevez claimed he refused to learn the language as some sort of revenge for his uncle fighting in the Falklands War. But given he was more than happy to live and raise a family here, that moral backbone of his is about as sturdy as Robert Sanchez’s wrists.

Even Lionel Messi, who’s been lounging around Miami for three years now, avoids English with the same shamelessness Cristiano Ronaldo shows by refusing to quit Portugal.

Footballers don’t exactly live hectic lives. They spend more time on the sofa than Tottenham do near the relegation zone. So download a bloody language app, you idle sods!

Mike Dean’s dirty games

Oh, Mike Dean, you silly sausage. To sit opposite Jamie Vardy – a bloke who lives off Red Bull and nicotine pouches – and somehow emerge as the dodgiest character in the room takes some doing. Bravo.

For anyone out of the loop, the former referee casually revealed on Vardy’s podcast that he and other Premier League officials used to play secret “mini games” during matches – such as who could go the longest without blowing for a foul.

He’s either stupid, arrogant, or a liar – or, like Matt Hancock, a noxious mix of all three. Because what kind of moron takes pride in actively doing bugger all during a football match – you know, apart from Alejandro Garnacho?

Granted, Mike Dean loves the spotlight more than Tottenham love overpaying for bang-average Manchester City forwards – but this sort of brazen admission proves the refereeing culture in England is more toxic than a festival portaloo.

Usually, I’m very much in the “refs get more stick than they deserve” camp. But I’m done with giving them sympathy.

All they are is the footballing equivalent of Just Stop Oil – a bunch of self-important, attention-seeking, morally-bankrupt weirdos.