If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
House of fun
I love nipping into the swingers’ next door. My kinky neighbours operate an open-house policy.
I’m welcome at any time. It’s a big property. As well as the main couple, there are four lodgers in residence too. All are broad minded and experimental.
If I find myself bored at 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon I know I can pop in for a bit of fun.
Sadly, my husband doesn’t approve. He thinks they’re disgusting and has made me promise that I won’t stray, but how can I keep away? I realise that lying and going behind his back isn’t good, but this is the only pastime keeping me satisfied and sane. It’s like having my very own sexual sweet shop on the doorstep.
Who could resist that?
JANE SAYS: If your marriage is in trouble; if you don’t feel loved or listened to, then it’s your husband you should be confiding in. Arrange a chat and explain that your life feels hollow and meaningless. Apologise for cheating (because that’s what you’re doing) and see if you can start again.
What relationship changes can be made? How have you and he lost your way? The problem is that your feisty neighbours are a distraction and bad influence. You’ve got to stop popping over there because your real problems are inside your home.
This current situation is unsustainable, and everything has to re-set – or a heart-breaking separation could become a very real possibility…
Your marriage is not a game and your sexual health is not something to be toyed with.
Fake it
I’m not interested in having sex with the same woman for the rest of my life. I’m no sex maniac, but I need variety, excitement, and spice. I’ve only been married to my wife since February, but this is not the life for me.
She’s great, but monogamy isn’t making me happy. Every time I make love to her – I fake it. I suddenly realise that I need more than this. I want the thrill of the chase and, yes, to sleep with other lovers.
But how on earth do I tell her that without breaking her heart?
JANE SAYS: You owe it to your new wife to tell the truth sooner than later. She needs to hear what you’re feeling so that you discuss where you go from here. Otherwise, you’re going to become increasingly frustrated or even bitter and she’s going to be very confused. What you absolutely can’t do is pursue other women while you’re still in this marriage, no matter how tempted you might be to chase excitement.
Sadly, not all marriages go the distance. It’s best you speak up now before you and she get in any deeper.
Be prepared for how devasted and confused she’s going to be.
Floody hell
My parents are still living with us after a flood at their house. They’ve become too settled but we need them gone. Their house is now perfectly habitable, but they never mention returning.
How do we (politely) tell them to get a wiggle on when they’ve been good to us – and given us loads of money – in the past?
JANE SAYS: All good things come to an end, and you’re entitled to your space back. Be honest with your parents; explain that it’s time. This is not the end of your relationship; you’re still going to see them.
Of course, you’re grateful for everything they’ve done – and do – but this was never a long-term plan. Get in now before routines become established.