If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Free fall
I’m pregnant by a colleague. I’m conflicted. I’m 36 and ready to be a mum. I want this baby but don’t like the father. We’ve always clashed at work. I’ve called him arrogant and lazy while he’s branded me ‘too mouthy for my own good’.
Bizarrely we hooked up at a business convention out of town. I’d heard he’d been slagging me off again so confronted him. It was a warm evening. He suggested we grab a bottle and take our argument outside. One minute we were swigging the next we were kissing.
Somehow, we ended up in my hotel room, ripping the bed apart. We both screamed “I hate you” as we orgasmed. Now I’m three months gone, and he’s made it very clear that he’s not interested in being involved, which suits me fine. He’s married with teens, and I couldn’t stand living with him.
My real partner is currently in Dubai working on a project for his uncle. I last had sex with him in April. He’s due home in a few weeks. How am I supposed to explain this ‘miraculous conception’?
My friend has suggested I pretend I’m acting as a surrogate for a mystery woman. Then, when the baby is born, I can declare that I’ve changed my mind and hang onto it. Could that work? Would my partner fall for it?
He can be a difficult one to judge. He can be vague and laid back, but he’s certainly not stupid. Even though he’s not been around to love to me he won’t be happy to hear that I’ve been with someone else – and got myself up the duff. My whole life feels as though it’s in free fall.
On the one hand I’m happy to be pregnant, but on the other I’m terrified about the future. I’m not normally a cheat, but I’ve got myself into a situation that is freaking me out.
JANE SAYS: If you’re determined to keep this baby, then I suggest you forget any idea of tricking your boyfriend with a far-fetched story. Own up and tell him the truth. The fact is that mistakes have been made, but he deserves to hear the score. Perhaps he’ll stay and support you or perhaps he’ll walk away but doing nothing isn’t an option because hiding this pregnancy isn’t an option. Bumps have a habit of expanding…
What you now need is all the love you can muster from friends and relatives. Your mate sounds supportive even if her ideas are a little far-fetched, is she prepared to assist you? What of your own parents and extended family regarding extra funding and hands-on help? Look at your options and don’t be too proud to reach out.
Despite what the father of your unborn child says and thinks, he can’t avoid his financial responsibility.
In an ideal world he’ll have a positive role too because he can’t simply be airbrushed out of your child’s life. See if you can all be adults and work towards a positive arrangement. I’m not pretending that the next few months, or even years are going to be easy, but your dependant, vulnerable child has to be your priority and at the heart of everything you do from now on.
Take care of yourself and try not to stress. Plenty of very successful kids are raised by amazing single parents. Hopefully, in time, you’ll go on to love again and maybe, even add to your family.
Dodgy deals
My boyfriend doesn’t like my best mate’s new fella. My guy remembers him from school. Back then the creep was disruptive and mean. He stole the younger kids’ lunch money and bullied the teachers.
Today, apparently, he’s into all sorts of dodgy deals.
He and his cousin are notorious and are well known to the police. I know, for a fact, that my mate doesn’t know any of this. She thinks he’s a respectable businessman. She’s always telling me how gorgeous and reliable he is. She admits that he’s cocky – but thinks that’s cute.
What am I supposed to do?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you stand back and keep an open mind. Be there with a shoulder to cry on should your friend need it, but don’t stick your nose it where it’s not wanted. I’m sure you trust your guy to tell the truth. The problem is that you have no proof that your friend’s fella is a player. You haven’t seen him in action or confronted him. Also, even if he does misbehave behind your friend’s back, what business of yours is that? Has she actually asked you for your opinion? Okay you like her and wish to protect her, but she’s a big girl now and it’s up to her whom she dates. If her new fella is tricky, then that’s for her to suss out and deal with.
They say I’m weird
Many years ago, I had my heart very badly broken by my first love. She promised to marry me, then went off with my best mate. After that I went a bit crazy for a few years; sleeping around and making a fool of myself.
These days I don’t have much interest in sex. I use a couple of female shaped/moulded sex toys, but only for a quick orgasm.
Is this normal? My brother says I’m weird because I’ve never had another full-time partner. He’s stopped inviting me to his parties and family events because I embarrass him.
JANE SAYS: You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. If you only feel like pleasuring yourself once in a while, then that’s how it is. Some people think about nothing but sex. Others can take it or leave it. As long as you’re not abusing or hurting anyone, then there’s is no such thing as ‘normal’. That said, you cannot allow a bad experience, earlier on in life, to put you off relationships forever. What about comfort, companionship, and the future? Your ex might not have been right for you, but someone else could be. Open your heart and mind to the possibly of love.
Liar liar
My sister-in-law is an outrageous liar.
She exaggerates her children’s successes and makes up stories. She’s currently claiming that her eldest got ‘amazing’ A Level results. I know that this is not true. She makes my kids look like slackers and family gatherings are becoming tense. My husband (her brother) is begging me to keep quiet but why should I?
JANE SAYS: Your sister-in-law must be very insecure if she feels the need to lie. Take a step back, do your thing and accept that she’s fooling no one but herself. Just because she’s your husband’s sister doesn’t mean that you have to spend too much time with her. Limit the contact to high days and holidays and celebrate your own children, your way. I understand that she’s frustrating but turn the other cheek.