If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Party central
Wife swapping has gone too far. My husband and I no longer know what our relationship stands for anymore.
He has broken all the rules by falling for another man’s wife. He’s spending time alone with her and breaking my heart. I’m still having sex with a variety of people – men and women – but I’m not enjoying myself.
Our house is party central. We have the big rooms, hot tub, and sex dungeon. A number of, important people with very strong personalities, rely on us to host parties and keep the fun going, but we’re exhausted.
I don’t feel anything anymore. Every time I lay out the condoms and polish up the sex toys, I’m simply going through the motions. I need a very large drink before our first guests arrive in order to get through the night.
I want my husband and my old, uncomplicated, life back. I long for his touch. I long for our private times together without all the noise and the fuss.
He has retreated into his shell in recent weeks and I’m struggling to reach him.
He spends long hours at work and then either visits his other woman or passes out in our spare bed.
Meanwhile it’s left to me to keep the good times rolling and I’m sick of it. The other night he and I had our first serious conversation for ages. I looked at him and asked: “What have we become?” He actually burst into tears, and we held each other as we sobbed. How could I have been such a fool to get involved in something as stupid as swinging? I thought that swapping partners would be edgy and fun. But it’s complicated and pressurised. Plus, the thought of getting divorced and all the upheaval that involves freaks me out. Help.
JANE SAYS: You have to get your husband on his own again and tell him that this is serious. Everything has gone too far and it’s now time for honesty and a sensible resolution to this mess.
You’ve allowed your life to spiral out of control and run away from you. Therefore, you’ve got to take stock, make a stand, and say ‘enough’. You cannot allow your fellow swingers to bully you or call the shots a minute longer. C
Clearly there are a lot of very strong-willed personalities in your circle who enjoy the comfort of your home and getting their own way. I’m sure that your property is the perfect location for hot, sweaty nights and wicked games, but you need to be aware of your limitations.
Find out how your husband is feeling and what he’s thinking.
Tell him what is going through your head. Admit that you believe that you and he made a terrible mistake the day you threw your marriage wide open and ask him if you can kick start your old relationship and start again.
Is he prepared to give up his other woman and come back to you? Remind him of your love and commitment and promise that things will be better in the future.
Divorces are expensive and stressful. Would he consider relationship therapy with you? We all take wrong turns in life; we think we can handle anything, but there’s still time to come back from this madness.
Whip hand
When my guy said he wanted to ‘whip things up in the bedroom’ I didn’t realise he was planning to cover me in squirty cream and strawberry sauce.
He’s got a thing about sticky, messy sex. The problem is that it’s always me scrubbing the room and dealing with the laundry the next day.
Yet, when I complain he accuses me of killing the fun.
JANE SAYS: As with all things you and your man must agree boundaries and acceptable levels of behaviour.
Sex can’t become another chore for you to deal with. What about plastic sheeting or him getting his finger out and putting a load on? Fruity ideas are all very well as long as he’s not taking advantage of you.
Don’t allow him to put you down.