If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Tripped and trapped
My bloke proposed minutes after my cousin’s June wedding.
He got down one knee, whipped out a ring and asked: “Will you marry me a year from today”
He threw me across his knee and snogged my face off right in front of everyone.
My family cheered and I felt obliged to say ‘yes’. But I don’t love him. That night, as we had kinky sex he held me in a vice-like grip and growled; “You’ll be mine forever”, which chilled me.
What can I say when he’s racing ahead with the preparations? He’s already spoken to, and organised, the whole day with the vicar and a local wedding planner. Help. I feel trapped.
JANE SAYS: Your controlling boyfriend cornered you when you were compromised and unprepared.
Do not marry him. His gesture wasn’t romantic; it was devious and opportunistic.
Don’t feel guilty about being honest. Insist on a chat and make it clear that you will not be pressured into a wedding for the sake of appearances. Return the ring and don’t look back or your life will be hell. Turn to your trusted family and friends for support and don’t hesitate in reporting him if he ever turns nasty…
Golden child
Our parents are old fashioned. They always wanted a boy to carry on the family name. I was very sick as a child and spent many months in hospital. My mum and dad were warned by doctors that they could lose me, so I was even more protected and cherished when I was eventually discharged.
My sisters (one elder, one young) were given strict instructions to look out for me, which they deeply resented. Today my eldest sister is based in Australia, and we hardly hear from her. My youngest however lives locally and is bitter and twisted. She hates my guts. She resents the way our parents talk about me (I’m still their ‘Little Prince’). She accuses me of taking their money (I don’t) and being a brat.
Recently our parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary with a big party. There was fizz and great food. I was invited to give a speech but, inevitably, my sister drank too much and started heckling me.
I couldn’t resist answering back, because she’s extremely easy to wind up and there was nearly a punch up… Our aunt had to persuade her to leave.
I’m quite thick skinned but the whole incident was awkward and embarrassing, and our mother was upset.
What am I supposed to do when I’m the golden child? I didn’t ask for this.
How do I get my jealous sister to grow up, conduct her own life and leave me alone? I’m currently dating a great woman whom I care about very much. She says that witnessing us ripping into each other is excruciating and that if I don’t smooth things out with my sis then she’s going to struggle to respect – or even stay with me. Now that concerns me…
JANE SAYS: The truth is that we don’t always get on with everyone we know, and sibling rivalry can be vicious and all consuming – if totally illogical. If speaking to your sister face-to-face at the moment isn’t an option, then could you get a message to her via your mother or a friend? Could you offer an olive branch and make it clear that you’d be willing to attend mediation sessions with her in the future? I can’t imagine that she’s any happier with this situation than you are.
If jealousy and resentment are eating her alive, then wouldn’t it be better for her to discuss her gripes in order to let them go? Make it clear to all concerned that you’re happy to do whatever it takes to bring about a peaceful solution. You and she may never be fully reconciled, but any cooling of feelings has to be better than this bitter and twisted all out war.
As for you, you need to grow up and stop winding her up. Recognise that she is hurting. You didn’t ask your parents to favour you, but she certainly didn’t ask for this inequality either. Can your parents be encouraged to step up and change how they treat her and operate?
For the first time in your life, you’re being forced to look at your attitude and behaviour because your new partner isn’t impressed. You finally have something to lose and need to play your role in instigating some form of family harmony and maturity.
Does the hand of friendship also need to be extended to your exiled elder sister too?