Has there ever been a scarier time to be a teenage boy? There’s the ‘manosphere,’ telling you feelings are girly and embarrassing, while ‘looksmaxxers’ encourage you to bash in your jaw with a hammer.
You’ve got to respect women, or dominate them, or collect them like Pokémon cards… these lads need somewhere they can talk it all through. But for many, that’s an even more terrifying concept.
Luckily, help is at hand from Ian Wright-backed charity Football Beyond Borders. Here Meg Jorsh speaks to youth worker Amy Macdonald and 14-year-old service user Shawn Ogayanson…
Teenage boys are not exactly known for being open with their feelings. If you want to know why, you should probably ask one – but you might find you don’t get much of an answer.
According to a study of 500 lads aged 13 to 18, commissioned by charity Football Beyond Borders (FBB), it’s not a conscious choice. They found 74% had wanted to discuss a worry with an adult, but didn’t feel there was anyone around they could talk to.
It’s therefore worth taking a moment to salute fearless 14-year-old Shawn Ogayanson, who’s agreed to explain the issue to a national newspaper.
“It’s because they think they might get judged,” he says. “They think they might say something wrong and the adult is going to get mad at them. So I feel like it’s kind of hard to be opened up.”
Listening to Shawn, it’s no wonder eight in 10 teenage boys admit trying to hide how they are feeling. Many believe they’re expected to “be strong” and deal with problems on their own.
That includes all the classics like bullying, schoolwork, conflict at home or in peer groups, changes to their body and questions about sex.
Shawn adds: “If I want to talk about something, it might be something rude. Young men should be able to say what’s actually on their minds, but in some cases I’ve been punished for opening up to adults.”
The teen, a pupil at The Magna Carta School in Staines, Surrey, seems far better than many at explaining himself. It could be down to his work with FBB, as part of their programme for disadvantaged youngsters.
Youth worker Amy Macdonald runs the sessions in school, which use football as a way to build trust between pupils and adults.
“Seeing the change within students is huge,” she says. “Shawn’s always been a cheeky chap in front of his friends and he’s a very funny guy, but in our sessions his voice was quite quiet at the start.
“Now he’s been involved in different things, he has one once a week where he can speak openly to the people he trusts in FBB. And I’ve seen a huge change in him in the classroom.”
Her comments reflect another finding from the study – that teens who bottle up their emotions can end up having difficulty learning. Around four in 10 said it affects their motivation, confidence and ability to concentrate.
Whereas for Shaun, finding his voice in his FBB sessions has given left him feeling good about himself and his future.
He says: “It teaches us how to be confident, how to open up to people and do things the right way. It teaches you morals and what makes a man today. Like, a man should be able to be respectful, a man should be able to take responsibility for himself.”
Shawn has also had the chance to meet one of his heroes, as part of the charity’s new YouTube series, The Shape Up. It features young people sitting down for candid chats with celebs in a South London barber shop.
In Shawn’s episode, he meets up with footie legend Ian Wright for a heart-to-heart over a haircut.
“Seeing him face-to-face was like, big,” he admits. “You could actually talk to him, it’s honestly so cool. And I got to hug him as well.
“I asked some questions, about if he ever thought he would make it this far in his football career. And he gave me some advice, that if I have a goal I should not give up on it. He’s a really caring guy.”
Other videos feature the likes of Love Island star Josh Oyinsan, and TV presenter Ayo Akinwolere. But that’s not to say you need to be famous to connect with the teens in your life, Amy adds.
It’s more about patience, showing you care and proving you’re someone they can trust.
Amy says: “I’ve often had times when young people won’t speak to me, won’t open up for a long time. But when you show them you’re not going anywhere, and you can sit in silence…
“I’ve done that many times and sat in silence, or just kicked a ball around, or showed interest in what they care about and their passions. Building that relationship is key to them feeling safe.”