If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Bunk up
How do I stop my ex-boyfriend from demanding sex? He still thinks he’s entitled to bunk ups.
He calls me a ‘spoil sport’ for pushing him away.
He can’t understand how it was okay for him to touch my breasts and bum ‘back in the day’ but not now.
I’m single and so is he but he can’t get it into his thick skull that he doesn’t own me.
Yes, we were together for many years and enjoyed some good times, but I’m a different person now.
The problem is that I don’t fancy him anymore. I’ve moved on. We were an item for five years from the age of 19. We had some crazy times and were popular with a huge crowd of mates. We split when his old job took him abroad. Since then, I’ve dated a huge variety of blokes from flash youngsters to rich oldies. Today, my ideal guy is wealthy, well-read and sophisticated – and that’s not him…
He’s still as foul mouthed, loud, and outrageous as he ever was. I’m currently seeing a lot of him because the garage he runs is right next to my new job. I pass him all the time and he never fails to stop and flirt.
Just because we used to hang out together, he simply thinks I should slip back into his bed again. He’s actually suggested that I should be grateful that he’s still keen. Because I’m ‘not getting any younger’. Cheek.
The other night he turned up at the local pub and got really miffed when I refused to go to a sleazy hotel with him. He was showing off in front of my colleagues; telling lewd stories about our past and acting like the big ‘I am”. I was mortified. He kept grabbing my arm and saying: “You know I’m the best you ever had”.
Now he’s texting and suggesting a romantic weekend away. He won’t give up and I’m just about to blow my top. How do I get him to back off?
JANE SAYS: Your ex-boyfriend needs to hear that you are not his possession or his plaything.
So, you and he dated once-upon-a-time?
Big deal. So what? Most of us have ex-partners; people we’ve dated and been intimate with in the past. But that doesn’t mean they retain some kind of eternal hold over us. Your dating history has bred over familiarity.
Nothing gives your ex the right to push you around or embarrass you. Respect and space need to come into play. Get tough and tell him to back off. Warn him that you will take this further if he doesn’t start to behave himself. He’s in danger of souring your memories.
If he’s lonely and in need of love, then he needs to start casting his net wider; get himself out there and meet new friends. Just because you are local doesn’t mean that you’re the answer to his prayers.
The truth is that it’s never a good idea to go backwards as people and places are rarely as good as we remember them. You’ve grown up and moved on and your life experiences have changed you.
It’s not your job to make him happy. Arrange a heart-to-heart and leave him in no doubt regarding your feelings. He has to hear that you are serious and that this is not a game. Nothing will stop you from reporting him if he makes a nuisance of himself. Does he want that?
Payback time
When I was growing up, our mum loved my sister but hated me. My sister could do no wrong, yet I was punished for the slightest misdemeanour. When I was 16, I was banished from the house for a month for kissing the boy next door. I was forced to live five miles away with our Gran, who wasn’t much nicer…
Now I’m married and happy with children of my own.
My sister recently moved to Canada and, suddenly, our mum wants to know me again. She’s acting like the past never happened. My husband and I have asked her for a chat about my experiences and feelings, but she refuses to sit down with us. What’s my next move?
JANE SAYS: Speak to your husband and invite your mother over again. Make it clear that you’re not being difficult or overly sensitive, but you do need to hear the truth. Why was she so cold and cruel towards you? How can she justify treating you so unfairly, while your sister got away scot free? Make it clear that none of you can move on until you hear the full story.
Ultimately, if you don’t like and can’t forgive the woman, then don’t feel guilty about cutting her out of your life. She cannot be allowed to bring you down. Your sister has clearly gone her own way…
Gold digger
Is my partner is ashamed of me? We’ve been together for a year, yet I’ve still not met his friends or family members. For the past few months, I’ve been suggesting we hold a big party in order to get everyone together. I’ve found a great venue and my sister can do the food and drink.
Only he’s now admitted that it can never happen, as he feels it’s best to keep the various people in his life apart. Apparently, his old friends don’t like ‘newcomers’ and his children (13 and 15) suspect I’m a gold digger. I feel hurt as I’m a confident, successful woman in my own right.
How do I resolve this?
JANE SAYS: It worries me that your man isn’t willing to introduce you to his circle as his cherished partner. Where is the pride or the backbone? Can he really allow his children to disrespect you a ‘gold digger’ or his friends to shun you because they can’t be bothered to make an effort? Explain to him that you feel insulted and side lined. I suggest you take a break and think very carefully about your value and his (crummy) attitude. I feel you deserve better. I can’t imagine your family are too impressed either.
Chill out
My girl was a nightmare on our holiday. She got drunk every day. Then she went off with a gang of blokes and bragged about having sex with two of them. Now we’re home and she’s acting like nothing happened. Any time I bring up her bad behaviour she orders me to ‘chill out’.
How do I get her to understand that I’m very upset?
JANE SAYS: Hat’s off to your girl for attempting to play down her atrocious behaviour but this is serious. I suspect you spent a lot of money on that trip (to say nothing of your annual leave) and she behaved like an idiot.
Dump her and move on because she can’t be trusted. Never let anyone tell you that you’re uncool simply for standing up for yourself.