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If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Face in the dirt
My partner is deliberately heartless and cruel.
He’s openly cheating on me – and doesn’t care that I know. We share a car and I keep finding used condom foils on the back seat. There are hotel receipts in his trouser pockets and dirty, frilly pants in his work bag.
It feels as though he’s rubbing my face in the dirt.
I ask him what time he’s coming home from work, and he says 7pm. Yet, at 10pm, with his dinner congealing in the oven, he’s still not back. Finally, he bursts in, slightly drunk and stinking of musky perfume. I mention that his shirt is untucked, and his hair is standing on end, and he smirks: “The trains were terrible”.
I know that he’s been shagging at his mistress’s flat again. He knows that I know, yet we continue to perform this pathetic dance. If he no longer loves me then why doesn’t he leave?
I complain about him all the time to my family and his but get no support.
I’m advised to ‘put up and shut up’ because he’s rich and successful with a great future ahead of him.
My Mum has turned a blind eye to my dad’s affairs since their marriage for the sake of money and keeping up appearances, but I’m not her and resent being humiliated.
Mum says I should be thankful that I have a decent home and the money to pay bills, but surely there’s more to life than this? His family treat him like a golden boy who can do no wrong. More than once his mother has blasted me for daring to criticise her darling lad. I’ve begged him to stop making a fool of me.
The problem is that everyone we know has a vested interest in staying on his good side. My parents enjoy staying at his place in Spain while his parents rely on him for cash top ups. What about me?
Why don’t I deserve loyalty or respect?
JANE SAYS: The problem is that too many people around your partner have their noses in the trough. From your freeloading parents to his adoring mum and dad it’s in none of their interests to upset the man.
Your mum may envy your home but it’s something of a gilded cage if you’re not happy and don’t feel you’re considered or appreciated. I get the impression of a man who is supremely arrogant and entitled.
He believes his money gives him the right to sleep with anyone he likes regardless of your feelings. Your own parents should be on your side and it’s disappointing that they’re not. You need to start accepting that he isn’t going to change. If you are to retain a shred of self-respect, then you probably need to move on. What about your sexual health, your self-worth and dignity?
Step away from this situation and start thinking about your feelings and your limits. If your fella openly has another woman in his life, then is this the end? I think it should be.
As for your work and ambitions, if you don’t feel you’re stretched or going anywhere, then look at retraining. What courses or exams could you take to make you more independent and fulfilled?
Start thinking in terms of your personal success rather than being his accommodating side kick…