If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Open minded
Does my girl genuinely love me or is she simply after my dosh? In the past couple of years, I’ve enjoyed several windfalls. First, benefitted from an investment, then I inherited a substantial sum from a relative.
On top of that I sold one company and am now experiencing success with my latest project. I work hard and like treating those I love. But, and here’s the important bit – I am no oil painting. Despite visiting the gym and buying good clothes I will never win a beauty contest. Yet my girl, who is gorgeous, insists she adores me. I suppose I’ve always had an issue with self-confidence and struggle to believe her. Almost every day she posts things on social media about how kind and clever I am. If I cook a meal or wash the car, then those pictures go up with heart emojis and kisses. Is this genuine? Am I being played?
Sex is a dream because she’s very open minded and accommodating. I would never take advantage or push my luck, because I’m not that kind of guy, but think I could have any kind of sexual experience I wanted from threesomes to orgies if I asked nicely enough.
But still, I doubt myself – and question her motives.
The truth is that no girl was ever interested in me at school or college when I had nothing. I’d go on holiday to Ibiza and Greece as a teen with my mates and spend every night in the corner. I couldn’t get arrested. Yet my money seems to have turned me into sex god and I struggle to get my head around that. She maintains that she loves my personality, my sense of humour and, yes, my looks but how can she?
How do I silence the little voice in the back of my head, which repeats that I’m a fool and an imposter?
JANE SAYS: Why shouldn’t your girlfriend love and fancy you? If you can honestly put your hand on your heart and tell me that you’re not a monster, then why shouldn’t your personality, sense of humour and, yes, looks be good enough for her? You sound to me as if you suffer from low self-esteem and imposter syndrome. Despite building up and selling on one very successful company, and now running another, you doubt yourself every step of the way.
Give her some credit because not everyone is shallow and out for what they can get. Isn’t she allowed to have a mind of her own and love you for who you are today?
The problem is the more of your time you spend worrying about your girl’s motives, the more of your life you waste. Why fret when every day is good? Why stir up discontent when your girl has done absolutely nothing to make you doubt her?
Don’t be too quick to put yourself down either. Start being more confident in yourself. Appreciate the fact that you are generous, hardworking, and unique.
Would it help to speak to a medical expert about the imposter syndrome you’re experiencing?
Might therapy help you to see the good in yourself?
Think about it and remember that your success is deserved – you’re not a fake. Beauty is more than skin deep.
Dirty pictures
I was flattered when my ex-boss started flirting with me. I sent over some explicit pictures of myself. It was just a laugh. But now he’s saying he wants me to leave my partner and start a relationship. I’m in way over my head. I want everything to stop and go back to how it was before, but this guy won’t take no for an answer. I’m 30 and have been with my partner for five years. It’s him I love but my ex-boss is a force of nature. I’m worried that if I don’t do as he says, then he’ll show the pictures around. My partner knows nothing of this, and I feel so guilty and dirty. Help.
JANE SAYS: I urge you to tell your ex-boss that this ends here; you’re not interested in a relationship and you’re sorry that things have got this far. Ask him to return the images you sent over and to leave you alone. Mistakes have been made. Sadly, if he does threaten to humiliate or blackmail you in anyway, then you must be prepared to speak to trusted family members and then the police.
As for your partner, you have to tell him the truth – all of it.
Why did you ever feel tempted to send those images in the first place and can he trust you never to let him down again?
Big plans
My girlfriend wants us to go somewhere exotic for Christmas. She’s found a great deal, but I’m not prepared to get into any more debt, plus I’m not sure that I still want to be in a relationship with her. She was a nightmare during our summer holiday.
She bossed me around and expected me to pay for everything. Every night she ordered cocktails and expensive seafood and sat back while I got my credit card out. Who does that? Especially as she earns about the same as I do.
JANE SAYS: If you no longer love or respect your girl, then take a deep breath and come clean. Not every relationship goes the distance and if you lost that loving feeling over her behaviour in recent months, then she deserves to hear the truth. Pick your moment and tell her what’s in your heart. Is she prepared to apologise, grow up and change her ways? Are you inclined to give her a second chance? Discuss. Insist on taking one day at a time and take expensive holidays off the menu until you both agree where you stand. If you’re earning equal amounts, then why isn’t she paying her way?
Why is she so entitled?
Follow me
My partner’s mistress is a permanent fixture in his life.
He doesn’t try to hide the fact that he regularly has sex with this woman. Now she’s moving to another city and he’s insisting we follow her. He says he’s not prepared to be separated from her and I can ‘clear off’ if I don’t like it. How can he stand to be so cruel?
JANE SAYS: Surely this has to be the end of the road for you and him? What more can he possibly do to hurt you? Tell him to follow his lover to the end of the world if he wants to, while you get on with the real business of picking up your life again. He sounds selfish and entitled and you’re worth more. You’ve already put up with far too much.