As I brushed a coat of Big Apple Red on my nails, little did I know I was taking sides in the latest culture war: the Great Nail Debate. Yes, now even the humble fingernail has become a fiercely contested subject between wokies and the sane.
It began with an article published on the BBC website, entitled ‘How the bare nails trend became a class issue’.
Anyone with a modicum of style is ditching the corals and pinks, apparently. Less is more. Women pursuing the ‘quiet luxury’ look are heading into nail salons not for a slick of the bright stuff but a simple buff.
After exploring the growing trend for natural-looking nails, the article veered into more controversial territory. It suggested that because elaborate nail art has historical ties to black, Latino and Asian women, the current vogue for bare nails risks stigmatising these bold looks.
As beauty journalist Kristina Rodulfo put it, the minimalist nail trend promotes the ‘erasure of culture and identity that is so important to black and brown communities’. Indeed, calling understated styles ‘elegant or tasteful’ means you are perpetuating ‘white supremacist standards of beauty’.
Yikes! Now undecorated nails must be added to the list of Things With Racist Undertones, along with golf, mathematics and the English countryside.
The article caused outrage online, various women getting their (unpainted?) talons out to vent fury. Baroness (Sharron) Davies called it ‘divisive tosh’; choreographer Rosie Kay said it was ‘beyond utterly insane’; opera historian Alexandra Wilson decried ‘the politicisation of absolutely everything’.
To a certain extent I agree. Suggesting that going for bare nails makes you a white supremacist is almost as nutty as the Norwegian academics who spent time researching whether the aesthetic of white paint… helped ‘[make] the world whiter’.
Margot Robbie and others have shown they are happy to grace a red carpet with naked nails
But in other respects the BBC article (now removed ‘pending editorial review’) was onto something. As deeply uncomfortable as it may be for some to admit, fingernail adornment is absolutely a ‘class issue’.
We do make micro-judgments about other women based on their nails. Denying this is unfair to those sporting a crystal embellishment or swirly design with no idea about how they are being categorised – or even written off.
Let’s put our cards (and nails) on the table. A lot of women see any kind of nail art as irredeemably naff.
I don’t care what race you are, if you’re going into an interview for a serious job with flowers or crystals on your fingertips and I were the one hiring, you ain’t getting the job. Ditto for having different fingers painted all shades of the rainbow. Such looks are as frowned upon as a bright orange fake tan or a top splashed with ‘DIOR’.
Analysing my thoughts on the matter, I realise I am a terrible nail snob. See a woman with long square nails tipped with white and I assume she has time-travelled here from 1998. Blue or purple suggests they might be ‘alternative’ – and not in a good way. Neon and they’re one of those tedious ‘I’m a bit mad, me!’ types.
My most catty judgment is reserved for the celebrity mothers I see with long, sharp pointy nails. Presumably a team of nannies is on hand to change their children’s nappies lest the poor kids get hurt.
The type of female nail which disposes me most warmly to the bearer is bitten, chipped or broken, since that is the natural state of mine and I feel a kinship with these women.
We wash up, we scrub counters, we dig out weeds with our bare hands – and it shows.
If you’re going into an interview for a serious job with flowers or crystals on your fingertips and I were the one hiring, you ain’t getting the job, writes Clare
But for those times I want to look less Charlie Dimmock and more Charlie’s Angel, I stick on a set of nails from Boots and paint them postbox red. These are medium-length, rounded at the tips, the kind of look you might imagine on a WW2-era secretary.
I think they look rather lovely – but I’m also aware that snobs higher up the nail-chain will think they are naff. Too long. Too garish. They, too, will be writing me off as someone who doesn’t quite get where the style train is heading.
Because while the bare nail trend isn’t about white supremacy it is, let’s face it, about superiority. Having perfect, plain, uniform ovals is the ultimate in stealth wealth messaging.
Entirely natural nails show you are: a) not ruining them with domestic work, b) keeping your collagen levels high with pricey supplements and c) quietly luxurious rather than loudly try-hard.
When Margot Robbie or Emily Ratajkowski grace a red carpet with naked nails, they’re signalling that they’re above trying. Pledging hours of your time to the manicurist’s chair is so B-list, darling.
Indeed, proponents of the bare look have argued they do it to save time. Like TV and radio presenter Angela Scanlon, who has said: ‘Every other week, I was giving up an hour and a half – sometimes two – to get [to the nail salon].’
While I’m sure this is true, I suspect a tiny part of it is a desire to look too-cool-to-care.
Well, however I’m judged by the naked nails crowd, I’ll stick with claret, tomato, Rouge Noir… and (red painted) fingers up to the fashion of the moment.
My hostess tip: order Deliveroo
Meghan’s tips on hosting can be replaced with just one – order Deliveroo
In an Instagram post for her brand As Ever, Meghan stands smiling in a sunlit kitchen, counters covered with artfully scattered fruit (pre-jam making, presumably). Entitled ‘hosting tips’, it advises: ‘Have as much prepped as possible before guests arrive.’ Which for someone who loathes hosting like I do, translates as: down a large glass of wine before they arrive and, when the doorbell rings, click ‘order’ on the Deliveroo app.
If you don’t know me, don’t dare hug me!
A new study has found that greeting strangers with a hug can make them like you more because ‘we are evolutionarily programmed to feel safe and secure when we experience human touch’.
A study has suggested hugging a stranger on meeting them, rather than shaking their hand
I beg to differ. If a stranger hugged me I would be programmed to think they were a creepy oddball.
No space invaders, please – especially going into flu season. Let’s stick to a firm handshake.
Anne is so right about ‘fun’ runs
Princess Anne was not willing to take on a marathon
Confirming her status as my favourite royal, Princess Anne’s response to being invited on a charity marathon was brilliant.
There’s no such thing as a ‘fun’ run, she replied: it’s a ‘contradiction in terms’.
Never a truer word spoken.