If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues, drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Wrong move
I ordered my girl to choose between me and her other lover – and she chose him.
Now I’m alone and kicking myself for being such an ass.
How did I make such a monumental mistake?
She’s moved into his place and I’m licking my wounds.
I thought she loved me and that we were destined to be together.
We met in 2024 and fell deeply in love.
Things started to get stressful last year, however, when I took up a role within an international organisation. I didn’t realise how much of my time and energy my new boss would demand. I allowed myself to get bogged down by projects and deadlines. I admit that I probably became a bit arrogant; I neglected my girl and took her for granted, but I didn’t expect her to start sleeping with another man behind my back. I first found out about her affair on holiday in Crete. She kept disappearing to take and make dirty calls.
I confronted her and she admitted she was seeing someone else; someone she’d dated years ago.
I blasted: “It’s him or me”, to which she snapped: “Him” and showed me the door. Now I’m on my own and I hate my life. I’ve made such a hash of things.
All I want is for us to get back together and start again, but she won’t hear of it. She won’t take my calls or even answer my texts. Her best friend tells me that she and her new geek are talking about moving to Spain because he’s also got a place out there.
Where am I supposed to go from here?
JANE SAYS: Unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that we should never issue an ultimatum unless we’re absolutely serious and determined to follow it through. Otherwise, we end up discredited and sorely weakened – or fully out on a limb.
You played a very risky game the day you asked your ex-girlfriend to choose between you and your rival. Instead of suggesting a heart-to-heart chat and talking everything through, you lost your temper and brought things to a head. Now the relationship is over, and you’re obliged to start again. Understandably you’re angry and sore, but there can be no bad feelings or going back.
It’s vital that you put your ex behind you; learn from all the mistakes that have been made and move on.
She now forms party of your history, your story.
Start concentrating on your health and mental well being. Are there friends and family members who can help and support you? Speak to your GP if you’re feeling stressed or depressed and don’t be too proud to speak up if you’re in need. You’ve got to be positive and force yourself to look forward. You may be tempted to view your relationship through rose tinted glasses, but your ex was by no means perfect. Nothing you did gave her the right to start sleeping with another guy and break your heart.
Let her have her fresh start in Spain while you regroup and rise again.
No one likes us
My bloke and I belong to a local club. We’re quite sporty. We use the gym, run and swim. We chat to various people in the bar, but no one is interested in getting to know us better. We’ve invited various members to barbecues and parties at our place but they’ve never turned up.
I consider us friendly, easy going people – and we have plenty of other good mates – so why are we snubbed? Aren’t we good enough? My bloke says I shouldn’t allow myself to get so wound up, but this dismissive treatment really gets under my skin.
JANE SAYS: A lot of people get to a certain age and become very set in their ways. It could be that your fellow club members have their families, work commitments and all the friends they need. Perhaps there’s no more room or time for new blood. You cannot take this personally, because, ultimately, they are not obliged to embrace you.
Console yourself with the fact that you have your own pals and a busy life. We don’t always click with everyone we meet. If you (privately) feel that your fellow club members not your sort; that they’re snobby or standoffish, then enjoy your sports and get on with your lives. I suspect people are leaving and joining all the time, maybe some new best mates are just around the corner…
Imperfect parents
I’m so jealous of people who have a good relationship with their parents, because mine are vile.
My Dad is weak while my Mum still attempts to control me. I have no self-worth because she has always told me that I’m useless. As a result, I drink too much and sleep with bad men.
Whenever things are going right for me, my mother spoils things. I haven’t spoken to either of them since May after a row about respect, but they’re always in my head. What about my own life?
JANE SAYS: We don’t all get on with our family members and sometimes a destruction influence must be severed for our own sanity. Your parents may have blighted the first years of your life, but you cannot allow them to overshadow the rest of it.
I suggest you visit your GP. Explain that you need some professional support in the form of therapy to make sense of your life so far and learn some coping strategies for the future.
It’s very possible that your parents have mental health problems of their own that make them the complicated people they are. You are entitled to a better future.