If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
She trashed my home
My oldest friend has always resented my success.
She hates the fact I have a good job and earn more than her. At the moment she’s single and I’m in a relationship – and she doesn’t like it. Three times recently I’ve caught her sucking up to my man and now I’m convinced that she’s after him. The other week I was walking through town when I spotted her, with him, in a wine bar. They were drinking and laughing, and she had her arm around his neck. Naturally I went in and joined them. He looked happy to see me (relieved even), but she looked decidedly miffed… A few days later she came to me in tears; her flatmate was driving her nuts, could she come stay with us for a short while? What could I say?
I returned home early a few nights later to find her wrapped around him on the sofa, this time he looked very comfortable indeed and I had to call him into the kitchen to drag them apart. The next night the same thing happened again.
Last week I returned home from a few days away to chaos. Our bedroom looked like it had been hit by a hurricane; the bedlinen was filthy, there were empty bottles all over the floor and a lamp had been knocked over and broken.
More crucially, my mate’s room didn’t look like it had been slept in. Understandably I drew one conclusion; that she had been sleeping with my man in my absence. I went berserk and threw her out. Yet he’s still insisting I’ve got it all wrong.
He says I’m bonkers.
He’s saying that she slept with other men in our bed during my trip, while he hid out at his mum’s house. He absolutely swears that he has never cheated on me and that he was forced to get away from her because she was acting so badly.
Do I believe him?
JANE SAYS: Quite rightly, you threw your friend out of your flat and now you have to ensure that she stays out of your life forever. The woman sounds like pure poison; from being jealous of your successes to trashing your bedroom (with whomever) I get the impression that, far from simply ‘resenting’ you, she hates your guts, and probably has done forever.
Your life is better without her in it. As for your partner, what is your gut instinct telling you? Do you believe that he was one of the mystery men in your bed? If he wasn’t then why did he run? Why did he allow your (ex) friend to mess around and destroy your most precious, private space – your bedroom?
Why didn’t he stand up for himself and tell her ‘no’?
Do you believe that he hid out at his mum’s place? Can you confront her and ask her? No one would blame you for feeling utterly exhausted and confused right now.
Tell your bloke that you need some space. Suggest he stays with family while you think things through.
Blitz your bedroom; treat yourself to new bedlinen and work out where you wish to go from here. Even if he didn’t cheat, then do you believe that your guy has been supportive and strong enough in the past? Is this episode forcing you to question the nature of your relationship? Would you be better off single and away from the pair of them? Don’t ever allow anyone to put you down or question your sanity.
Button it
My girlfriend is lovely but has an annoying habit of always telling the truth. She says she gets nervous and blurts out the blindingly obvious…
In the past few months, she’s told my brother that he’s arrogant and flash. My sister now knows that she’s a control freak and my boss understands that I hate our firm. We’re due to visit my Mum and stepdad in Ireland soon. I need to keep in with my Mum because I rely on her for cash top ups. How can I ensure my girl keeps her big, gob shut especially if she doesn’t take to my stepdad who is a muppet?
JANE SAYS: Surely you can explain your situation and ask your girl to hold back? Why can’t she control herself by counting to twenty every time she feels inclined to sound off? If she gabbles because she gets over-excited or nervous or feels she must fill any empty silences, then beg her to calm down.
Remind her that we all have to live alongside our friends and relatives. None of us appreciate having our faults flagged up. No one is perfect, including her.
Ask yourself is she deliberate sneaky or tricksy?
The financial arrangement you have between you and your mother is your business, but is it mutually respectful and healthy? Is it time to stand on your own two feet?
An acquired taste
I’m devastated that no one likes my new bloke.
My mum claims he’s untrustworthy, while my sister thinks he’s a ‘sleaze ball’. My Dad has ordered me not to bring him round anymore, despite not giving me a solid reason why. Two of my mates have organised Halloween and firework parties neither of which we’ve been invited to. I think he’s great. He’s loving and kind with me – and red hot in bed. I’ve never been with a better man. How do I convince everyone that they’ve got him wrong?
JANE SAYS: Are you able to see where everyone else is coming from? Is he difficult to understand or warm to? Obviously, you love him, otherwise you wouldn’t be together, so I urge you to calm down, give everyone some space and time and just see what develops. Whatever happens, don’t alienate yourself from those who have loved you for the longest. Keep an open mind and don’t be too proud to hold your hands up and walk away if you have made a mistake by aligning yourself with him.
Maybe he’s just not good around new people? Maybe he’s been hurt in the past and is now a naturally wary individual? Is there a conversation you should be having with him?
Insulting behaviour
A friend owes me £60. How do I get it back?
Back in July we joined forces to buy a wedding present for a woman we used to work with. I put the full £120 on my credit card, and she promised to reimburse me. She never has. Meanwhile, ‘the bride’ is talking about a big Christmas night out and I know my friend has put her name down.
JANE SAYS: Speak to this sneaky friend about the cash you’re owed. Why can’t she give you a fiver a week? How can she justify signing up to a Christmas night out when she has outstanding debts? Sadly, if she continues to duck out, then speak to your credit card company and/or reluctantly wipe the debt and rethink your whole friendship.