JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who feels undervalued by her dismissive boyfriend
Dear Jane, My handsome new bloke refuses to have sex with me. He split from his wife last May. Their divorce is going through and she’s with someone new. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all square and above board.
But he’s wracked with guilt. He bleats that if he gets naked with me, then he’ll be breaking his marriage vows even though his wife has moved on. I fancy him so much. I wasn’t responsible for their split and I’m climbing the walls with sexual frustration.
He moved in here last month. I naturally assumed he wanted to start a proper relationship, but he’s on the settee while I feel like a fool. No matter what I do, he turns me down for love. The other night I emerged from my bedroom in stockings, suspenders, and high heels.
I pushed my bare breasts into his face and invited him to have his wicked way. He did nothing more than I ask me to get out of the way because he was watching the TV. I’ve never felt more deflated in my life.
Meanwhile his ex-wife is posting all sorts of loved up images of her and her new man on social media. How come I end up with the damp squib?
My sister thinks he’s simply using my place as a crash pad, but I can’t believe that. He’s always telling me that I mean so much to him, but he wants to do things in the right way and in the right order.
In other words, he won’t sleep with me until the divorce is finalised – and all the money is sorted out – but that could take ages. I accept that he’s still hurting, but what about me?
I need this to work. I’m sick of my family and friends branding me loser in love. How do I convince him that his wife no longer matters because I’m his future?
JANE SAYS: You are keen on your new man, but he seems keener on your comfortable sofa and large telly than making you scream. Is he paying you rent and contributing to your bills?
The fact is that his marriage is over, and he needs a place to stay while his divorce is thrashed out. Don’t allow yourself to be used by him.
You’re beautiful and important, so stop wasting your energy. Sadly, if he’s moved in too quickly or his heart isn’t in it, then you need to encourage him to find his own space. He needs to take responsibility for himself and his wider problems.
You must stop worrying what other people think and chuck him out because you don’t need a flat mate, you crave a proper partner. Level with the man; explain this arrangement isn’t working and give him a moving out date.
Don’t allow him to overstay his welcome a minute longer because he’s now in danger of crushing your confidence and making you feel irrelevant. If you’re looking for love, then see if pals can recommend someone to you; or join clubs or volunteer.
Ultimately, make sure that you always do your homework in advance and don’t leap feet first into any future relationships unless you know exactly what you’re letting yourself in for.
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.