JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who has lost her mind to a man she can’t tame
Dear Jane, My boyfriend’s brother cracks me up. He’s the sexiest, cheekiest guy I’ve ever met. He’s just back from running a bar in Ibiza over the summer. He is full of wild stories about outrageous celebrities, drinking competitions and sex on the beach. I fancy the pants off him and can’t stop fantasising about HIM when I have sex with my boyfriend. I know I’m naughty but being naked with him is so nice…
He makes my uptight boyfriend look like an ancient relic.
He comes round here when my bloke is at work and we get it on. Our cover story is that he’s supposed to be teaching me Yoga but all we actually do romp and bonk. The other day he took loads of erotic pictures of me smeared with whipped cream and strawberry sauce. Then he licked me clean. We ended up having sex on the kitchen counter, which was hard and horny.
I was shrieking with pleasure while he took me to levels of ecstasy I’ve never experienced with any other lover – and I’ve had a few…
We ended up back in a hot shower, soaping each other down, before falling into bed for a proper session. Bliss.
My partner has no idea what’s going on because he’s too obsessed with his job. He’s more interested in putting in 14-hour days at his firm than pleasuring me. His horny brother is earthy and grounded, and I know who I prefer. My problem is that I’m lonely in my relationship and my lover makes me feel important and wanted. But I know that he’s not going to be around for much longer. He’s planning to fly to South America in January to a new job and that breaks my heart.
What am I going to do when I’ve finally met the man who gets me?
JANE SAYS: Your long-term partner is heavily invested in his job; he’s currently focussing all of his time and energy on his career. But that doesn’t give you free rein to muck about with his visiting brother.
I worry that you’re guilty of getting carried away with yourself. You can’t swap one sibling for another without causing a major upset. Sober up and do the right thing. You need to have a serious chat with your man about how you’re feeling and where your relationship has been going wrong. He may argue that he’s doing it all for you, for your future stability. But where is the balance? What about your ambitions and career? What is it you want from life? The truth is that you may well fancy the pants off this other guy, but your current behaviour isn’t appropriate or fair.
Are you going to tell your partner the whole truth? Sadly, if the relationship with your long-term guy isn’t working out and you’ve hit rock bottom, then you’ll have to find the courage to face up to that, end things, and move on. As for the horny brother; you can’t possibly be intimate with him again. He’s clearly his own person with his own agenda. He does what he wants and, I fear, is never going to settle down or conform. He’s never going to be the man you want him to be.
Short changed
I’m having sneaky sex with a mate’s bloke. He’s a househusband and he pops in here after the morning school drop off. We chat, snog, and then hit the sack.
He’s funny; he refuses to orgasm inside me because he counts that as cheating. So, at the point of climax, he withdraws even though I’m on the Pill and can’t get pregnant. This is beginning to annoy me because I often feel short changed. More than once I’ve accused him of double standards. Surely the very act of getting into bed with me counts as cheating.
He says not.
He leaves at around 1pm and then totally ignores me at the afternoon pick-up, which gets on my nerves too.
JANE SAYS: You don’t need me to tell you that having sex you’re your friend’s husband is wrong. Maybe he doesn’t consider ejaculating outside of your body to be cheating, but I suspect his wife would argue with that one… Caring for children and running a home is tough and can be very monotonous – but cheating isn’t the answer. Bad habits like this one have to be broken.
Write down what it is you want from life. Do you need to retrain or get a local job?
The problem is that school playgrounds are a hot bed of gossip. You need to be very careful for the sake of your children and your reputation.
Game on
Our sex life died the day I got my girlfriend into gaming.
Now she’s obsessed and sex has gone out of the window. We’ve been together six months, and I’ve always been a big gamer. Over the summer
I introduced her to a few of my favourites so we could play together and bought her a console for her birthday. Now she’s extremely skilled to the point where she’s more invested – and better than me. She tells me off while we play together for not trying hard enough, and gaming is all she wants to talk about.
JANE SAYS: You’ve opened up a whole new world for your girl to feast upon. I urge you to calm down while she enjoys this honeymoon period because I don’t think this current enthusiasm has to signal the end of your relationship. Remind her that competition can be healthy, but sex, love and balance are important to.
Suggest other things you can do together that are removed from screens.
What about bracing autumnal walks, swimming, or crafts? However, if she really isn’t interested in you anymore perhaps that’s a deeper problem in the relationship you need to discuss.
Don’t give up without some very serious conversations about the virtues of a fully rounded relationship.
Choking hazard
I’m sick of my wife spraying room scents and burning scented candles in the home. She has candles burning constantly, which give me a blinding headache. When I beg her to blow them out, but she huffs and accuses me of “ruining the chilled vibe”. Every time she cooks, she sprays around with a toxic ‘fragrance’ too. How is the mood ‘chilled’ if I can’t breathe?
JANE SAYS: Some of us can tolerate overwhelming scents, while others can’t. We’re all different. You live together so she must take your feelings and sensitivities into consideration; that’s only fair. Will she compromise by only burning certain smells and spraying air fresheners in well-ventilated rooms?
Or buying fresh flowers instead? Remember that naked flames are fire risks and must always be properly extinguished.
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.