Dear Jane,
Major flop
My fella is the funniest guy I know.
But there’s no denying that his body is disappointing (too flabby and hairy) – and he’s useless at sex. We’ve worked together for two years, and no one can make me laugh like he does. But get him in the bedroom and he’s a major flop.
The first time I saw him naked I blurted out: “Is that it?” He stuttered that he’d make up for a lack of length and girth with enthusiasm and love, but he didn’t.
Everything he tried from oral to toe sucking left me cold.
I like a horny guy who gets hold of me and takes my breath away; I crave passionate, hard sex and loads of powerful orgasms – not pathetic licks and rubs.
Once we were in bed together and I dared to ask: “Is it in yet?” He hit the roof. Now he’s saying that we have to make this work because I ‘owe’ him. He left his girlfriend for me after I pursued him in the office.
He’s got to stay at my place as he has nowhere else to go. Now I wish I hadn’t bothered chasing him quite so hard. He’s not my type at all.
I hear his ex-partner is devastated. I feel guilty and ridiculous. What was I thinking? Now I’m saddled with the fella when all I want is to is have fun with a (new) like-minded hunk.
JANE SAYS: You deliberately targeted this guy even though you knew he was in an established relationship. As I understand it, he left his long-term partner and presented himself to you.
Now you’ve got him, but he’s not what you’re looking for. He’s a nice guy but you find him lacking in certain departments. You’re not connecting in bed, and you want him out of your face. But life doesn’t work like that. You can’t simply click your fingers and expect him to come running and then dismiss him again if he doesn’t amuse. He’s given up a lot for you and now, by the sounds of things, he’s homeless and relying on your hospitality. You need to handle this matter with sensitivity and maturity.
Maybe you haven’t clicked in bed because you don’t do anything for him either. Perhaps you’re too arrogant and brusque? Think about it. Have you told him what you like and want? Can you take the lead?
Nothing gives you to right to belittle and humiliate the man. Start talking and come up with a plan. Apologise for acting like a brat and work out your options. Could he lodge with you as a paying house mate until he finds somewhere else? Is going back to his devastated partner an option? Maybe this unfortunate incident will be a lesson the next time you’re tempted to get carried away with yourself.
Funny peculiar
No one invites my partner to parties or celebrations.
Friends don’t like his fruity jokes and family disapprove of his ripe language. I admit that he can be a little lively at times, especially when he’s got a few drinks inside him, but he means no harm. He’s got a heart of gold.
I think it’s funny when he strips off and does his nude dance. My best mate once called him an ‘acquired taste’. She admitted that he does make her laugh but has now failed to invite him to her Christmas wedding. I love his earthy humour – it’s refreshing.
What’s wrong with people? When did everyone get so serious?
JANE SAYS: Your guy sounds like a loose cannon. I don’t blame your friends and family for getting angry, especially if they’ve spent a lot of time and money on a special party. Not everything is about him.
I don’t think the ‘acquired taste’ quip was supposed to be a compliment either. Obviously, you love the guy and find him funny. However, even you must accept that he oversteps the mark. Who wants a drunken, naked guy at a gathering? Does he have a problem with alcohol that needs to be addressed? Can he tell you why he’s such an attention seeker? Is he willing to tone things down and change?
Under siege
As well as supporting my own children, I’m expected to sub my grandkids too.
I now have four adults coming to me for money.
My son (45) and my daughter (43) have never been able to budget or save. I’ve given them money for bills for years. Now my grandchildren (19 and 18) are demanding cash. They’re struggling to pay for their phones, fares, and food. The other day I felt like I was under siege; I had them coming at me from all angles. I know that times are hard but how come it’s up to me to carry an entire family?
It feels as though I’m being punished for working hard and being frugal.
JANE SAYS: Supporting the entire family is not your responsibility. Sadly, if your children and grandchildren can’t manage their cash, then they’ll have to make cutbacks and look at other ways of generating income. You cannot allow them to bleed you dry or grind you down. Yes, you love them, but what about your financial responsibilities and your future? They view you as a soft touch and are taking advantage. How are their phone bills your problem? You are allowed to say ‘no’.
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.